Memo to self:

• Get a Nobel Peace Prize. Use it to attract banjo students.
• Work up an act and go on the road. Leave act behind.
• Become a genius. Tweet the word. Score a MacArthur genius grant.
• Invent some moves, the kind that make people say “He’s got the moves, all right.”
• Study war, then call press conference to announce “Aint gonna study war no more.” (See Nobel Peace Prize above).
• Twist and juke.
• Hire a Search Engine Optimization expert. Find out what that means and practice going “Ah, I see” or “Aha. I see.”
• Come to grips with lack of wealth
• Find podiatrist willing to power sand toenails.
• Invent better moves that show just how cool you are. No cross-dressing this time.
• Start flossing. Dental appointment in two days.
• Change age to 24. Get new jive.
• Buy into gluten-free crap.
• Get into habit of doing good and avoiding evil without getting them mixed up.
• Practice newest moves before actually laying them on humans. Hire a moves coach?
• Come to grips with lack of fame.
• Try at least three bites of asparagus. Swallow at least one.
• Pick a card, any card. Memorize it and put it back into the deck.
• Write a movie script about your life. Think of a good ending.
• Call Daniel Craig and offer him the part when Brad Pitt won’t come to the phone.
• Determine the exact dimensions of the strike zone. Text to all umpires.
• Pay monthly mortgage. For June, 2012.
• Become an icon.
• Figure out what art means. Write it down. Put it in wallet for emergency response to inevitable question at party “Why is that art? My dog could do that.”
• Launch new political party. Get nominated for president. Use publicity to attract banjo students.
• Take up spitting.
• Develop pictures from wedding in time for 47th anniversary.
• Change all passwords to something longer and more secure than “Hi.”
• Plant a radish.
• Get a radish.
• Prepare and rehearse believable denials of involvement in various social blunders, just in case. Hint: Cool moves would help here.
• Come to grips with serious lack of cool moves.
• Work more Pig Latin into daily conversation.
• Text ob-bay ylan-day to ose-lay the ustache-may.
• Cut back on belching.
• Inflate self-worth.
• Chew with mouth closed.
• Talk with mouth closed.
• Change all passwords to something shorter and less secure than kdsjebtpos.ajagf63o43;c-0ayuag.
• Cancel contract on brother-in-law who has now agreed to stop telling you that you’re an idiot (but may still think it.) This will mean paying a kill fee to the hit man. Make sure he understands that the first kill fee was for an actual kill which is now canceled. But this new kill fee doesn’t mean to kill, it actually means to not kill. Blame it on lawyers.
• Come to grips with no beer in fridge
• Stop encroaching into the neutral zone.
• Find out why you can’t always get what you want.
• Practice liking people.
• Remember to breathe.
• Look behind the mayonnaise in the fridge where you may have hidden an emergency beer.
•Find your inner child. Take him for a long walk. Never return.

©Patrick A. McGuire and A Hint of Light 2013-2014, all rights reserved.