Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: funny
Watch your head
Here’s what we know so far: Public confidence in the statement “That could never happen” has fallen in the polls, replaced by the fast-rising, seldom-believed promise “That will never happen again.” Mean people suck and will continue to suck for … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, Alice, earbnb, fois gras, funny, satire, schneid, zany
5 Comments
Would it kill you?
Read an interesting article in the latest copy of “Interesting Articles and Ammo” magazine. A woman in Davenport, Iowa was vacuuming the living room carpet when she came up against her husband, seated in his chair, reading “Interesting Articles and … Continue reading
Posted in funny, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, bosom, davenport, depraved, LeBron, Maraschino, satire, wisdom, zany
5 Comments
The really sick part
We sat on the sofa, K-Mac and I, watching a talking cookie on the Smart TV try to persuade us that cookies know how to talk and that they have kids and dogs and mortgages and pickup trucks and hopes … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, donut vape, funny, humor, igalixpoo, satire, zany
2 Comments
The Fly who buzzed me
Monday 9:17am. Started writing “How to Make a Million Before the Weekend.” Why haven’t I thought of this before? You get rich before the weekend so you have two straight days of buying toys and playing with them and eating … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny
Tagged absurd, doinked, humor, satire, shingles, zany
4 Comments
How to open an English muffin
Step 1. Get an English muffin. Now. Step 2. Stand near a window so you can see what you’re doing. Make sure you are decent. Step 3. Hold the muffin in one hand by its edges and gaze upon it … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, humor, intestine, K-Mac, muffin, satire, sausage, zany
2 Comments
Blowing Uncle Bob
A loud crashing noise from the kitchen. Something on the level of a rusted VW microbus hurled against the side of the house by a Visigoth catapult. I rush to the bottom of the stairway and holler “Anyone hurt up … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, E.D.Begone, funny, reality, satire, womb room, zany
2 Comments
Holding your water
It’s hard to get across to new writers that for all the effort and pain they put into writing their poem, their novel, their hip-hoppery, those brilliant scribbles are nothing but a first draft. I learned the hard way. I … Continue reading
Posted in funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged burro, Innisfree, Kipling, rewrite, satire, Tennyson, tinterns, Wordsworth, zany
2 Comments
