Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: funny
First World Problem #782: Dave and the raisins
Q. Do you think Dave is the right person to be in charge of raisins? A. What? Who is Dave? Q. He’s the produce manager down at our supermarket. I thought you would have known that. A. Do you know … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., funny, knock-knock, nutball, parody, sarcasm, satire, zany
3 Comments
Watch your head
Here’s what we know so far: Public confidence in the statement “That could never happen” has fallen in the polls, replaced by the fast-rising, seldom-believed promise “That will never happen again.” Mean people suck and will continue to suck for … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, Alice, earbnb, fois gras, funny, satire, schneid, zany
5 Comments
Hundo P
Q. Is that even a thing? A. Which that are you talking about? Q. That thing right there. I mean, if it is a thing. A. Okay, first thing you need to know about things: you have to distinguish between … Continue reading
Posted in F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, alternative truth, funny, hokey pokey, Hundo P, sarcasm, satire, thang
3 Comments
The inner chatter
Q. I can’t fall asleep at night. What’s up with that? A. Maybe you’re overtired. Q. What the hell does that mean? A. Sounds like Mr. Grumpy is overtired. Q. How can I be overtired and not be able to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), Scribe v. Pharisees
Tagged absurd, anxiety, 睡觉的人, funny, Planet Nine, satire, Tu t'es moqué de moi, zany
6 Comments
Nightmare traffic
Unidentified Patient (Not me): Does any of this make sense? Dr.Pepperoncini: I could ask “Any of what?” and you could blather on and while you’re blathering I could be thinking about what ruined my chances of becoming a sturgeon and … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, blather, funny, Parsippany, satire, sturgeon, zany
9 Comments
Uh oh, fake Haiku
Saturday, a day for fixing, or feeling guilt for fixing nada. A day to repair the broken strings of harmo dang, I whacked my ny. Mow the lawn, rake leaves, Vacuum downstairs then the up. Say goodbye to nap. Out … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, Baloney, funny, kaopectate, M&Emziz, nada, parody, satire, zany
2 Comments
The biggest idiot
A History of Social Norms, by Edna St. Vitus-Dance. Barns & Silo, $29.95 (Big Chief tablet-paper edition, with-visible-flecks-of-wood-and-lumberjack) The Abandonment of Social Norms by Logan Bologna. Tinker, Evers & Chance, $6.43 Bite Me, Norm by Kirk Tiberius James. Julius Manboob … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, boofing, Dark Ages, funky, funny, humor, L.E.D., satire, zany
4 Comments
