Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)

Important information interpreted and prescribed

Firetrucking idiot

Police blotter, Awkward Point police 7:49 a.m. Anonymous tip: burning pants lying in road across from Gunther’s Previously Opened Canned Vegetables.  Pants are smoking in clearly marked “Smoke free” zone. Fire department’s answering machine is full.  Tried to leave message … Continue reading

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Sigh ops

I sat on the edge of my bed this morning and thought about the unpleasant, energy-devouring items on my agenda for the day: shovel the walk, mow the lawn, call Putin and tell him communism sucks, pressure wash the outhouse, … Continue reading

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Full (as a tick) disclosure

You’re about to do something so bold, so socially weird that, should you be caught, your career — if you have one — is over. If you don’t have one, you will be issued a temporary, well-paying career with good … Continue reading

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

No brainer

Haven’t we all laughed, maybe even slapped our thighs until it hurt so much we had to slap somebody else’s thighs, when somebody challenges another’s intelligence with “Where were you when they handed out the brains?” For those with a … Continue reading

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hundo P

Q. Is that even a thing? A. Which that are you talking about? Q. That thing right there. I mean, if it is a thing. A. Okay, first thing you need to know about things: you have to distinguish between … Continue reading

Posted in F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The inner chatter

Q. I can’t fall asleep at night. What’s up with that? A. Maybe you’re overtired. Q. What the hell does that mean? A. Sounds like Mr. Grumpy is overtired. Q. How can I be overtired and not be able to … Continue reading

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), Scribe v. Pharisees | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Nightmare traffic

Unidentified Patient (Not me): Does any of this make sense? Dr.Pepperoncini: I could ask “Any of what?” and you could blather on and while you’re blathering I could be thinking about what ruined my chances of becoming  a sturgeon and … Continue reading

Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy | Tagged , , , , , , | 9 Comments