Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Nightmare traffic
Unidentified Patient (Not me): Does any of this make sense? Dr.Pepperoncini: I could ask “Any of what?” and you could blather on and while you’re blathering I could be thinking about what ruined my chances of becoming a sturgeon and … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, blather, funny, Parsippany, satire, sturgeon, zany
8 Comments
The biggest idiot
A History of Social Norms, by Edna St. Vitus-Dance. Barns & Silo, $29.95 (Big Chief tablet-paper edition, with-visible-flecks-of-wood-and-lumberjack) The Abandonment of Social Norms by Logan Bologna. Tinker, Evers & Chance, $6.43 Bite Me, Norm by Kirk Tiberius James. Julius Manboob … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, boofing, Dark Ages, funky, funny, humor, L.E.D., satire, zany
4 Comments
How I got to Perth Amboy
Q. I’ve just started writing a really cool story, but I’ve hit a speed bump. In my excitement, I forgot to come up with an idea. Where do you get story ideas? A. By “you” do you mean me? Or … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, bear brains, boppers, F.A.Q., funny, Milk Duds, satire, zany
5 Comments
The smell of anarchy
I do some of my best thinking in the shower. Just me, hot water, a bar of soap and a wandering mind. (By the way, when you tell someone you took a shower and you receive a standing ovation is … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, anarchy, humor, marimba, millenial, pouf, satire, zany
1 Comment
Would it kill you?
Read an interesting article in the latest copy of “Interesting Articles and Ammo” magazine. A woman in Davenport, Iowa was vacuuming the living room carpet when she came up against her husband, seated in his chair, reading “Interesting Articles and … Continue reading
Posted in funny, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, bosom, davenport, depraved, LeBron, Maraschino, satire, wisdom, zany
5 Comments
Large-fruit paranoia
Into the tire shop, then, to pick up his car with its freshly rotated tires. He waits in the showroom, surrounded by hundreds of gleaming black tires hanging from the walls or poised in garish cardboard floor displays. The place … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, cream cheese, duality, funny, satire, wrench monger, zany
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It will heal before your wedding
Q. Sometimes people call those who disagree with them communists. But then you’ll hear them calling the same people fascists. Can people be both communist and fascist? A. Not if they hope to attend their respective balls. Q. Don’t the … Continue reading
Posted in F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
2 Comments
