Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Hating that
I would like to address all of the “that” haters in our land. Does that mean you? That depends. Take this little test: when you read the that in that first sentence above, did your head spin around on your … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, fut, humor, MAOIs, satire, Timbuktu, umbrage, zany
6 Comments
The rats are dead
So. I went down to the Social Media Blackmarket to procure some followers. As a blogger, I want lots of followers for the simple reason that if you have, say, just two followers and one of them is make-believe, it … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, followers, funny, peeps, rats, satire, zany, Zunar
Leave a comment
The penguin incident
I sat in the Washington office of Dr. Holler B. Snowbody, the Third Junior Deputy Deputy Undersecretary in the Department of Homeland Frisking, Risk Assessment Division, Penguins. I was on assignment for Big Beak (the magazine of birds with big beaks) … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Lutefisk, penguin, satire, Tiki, zany
2 Comments
FAQ: Worried Man Blues
Q. Should I be worried? A. Yes. Q. Wow, I thought you’d say no. A. No. Q. Yes, I did. And then you said no. Just now. A. Yes. Q. So wait…you’re not saying there’s nothing to worry about? A. … Continue reading
Posted in F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, doughnut, Munchinhouse, pants on fire, satire, worried, zany
3 Comments
Jiggling my grandmother
Sometimes, I get anxious. Ironically, the condition is called anxiety. I got it one day when I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in. I was pretty wired so they took me right away and later … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bouncy, Daffy, Earl Scruggs, funny, Pete Seeger, satire, zany
7 Comments
Ta Da! You’re back!
Have you ever stood on your front porch of an evening after a trying life and wondered about existence? In other words, have you ever wondered if you really exist or if you exist only in somebody else’s dream? Or … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, burrito, existence, humor, incognito, satire, shit hole, zany
6 Comments
F.A.Q. The Fruitcake Incident
Q. How do I get to my grandmother’s house? A. Go over the river and through the woods. Q. Which one? I always get my rivers mixed up. A. Don’t worry. The horse knows the way. Q. What horse? A. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., horses, rhinocerous, Santa, satire, silver bells, zany
3 Comments
