Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Full (as a tick) disclosure
You’re about to do something so bold, so socially weird that, should you be caught, your career — if you have one — is over. If you don’t have one, you will be issued a temporary, well-paying career with good … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, goofus interruptus, K-Mac, major loon, marmelade, peccadillo, Putin, satire, zany
2 Comments
No brainer
Haven’t we all laughed, maybe even slapped our thighs until it hurt so much we had to slap somebody else’s thighs, when somebody challenges another’s intelligence with “Where were you when they handed out the brains?” For those with a … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, satire, slobbering, sudoku, underwear, zany
1 Comment
Hundo P
Q. Is that even a thing? A. Which that are you talking about? Q. That thing right there. I mean, if it is a thing. A. Okay, first thing you need to know about things: you have to distinguish between … Continue reading
Posted in F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, alternative truth, funny, hokey pokey, Hundo P, sarcasm, satire, thang
3 Comments
The inner chatter
Q. I can’t fall asleep at night. What’s up with that? A. Maybe you’re overtired. Q. What the hell does that mean? A. Sounds like Mr. Grumpy is overtired. Q. How can I be overtired and not be able to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), Scribe v. Pharisees
Tagged absurd, anxiety, 睡觉的人, funny, Planet Nine, satire, Tu t'es moqué de moi, zany
6 Comments
Nightmare traffic
Unidentified Patient (Not me): Does any of this make sense? Dr.Pepperoncini: I could ask “Any of what?” and you could blather on and while you’re blathering I could be thinking about what ruined my chances of becoming a sturgeon and … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, blather, funny, Parsippany, satire, sturgeon, zany
9 Comments
The biggest idiot
A History of Social Norms, by Edna St. Vitus-Dance. Barns & Silo, $29.95 (Big Chief tablet-paper edition, with-visible-flecks-of-wood-and-lumberjack) The Abandonment of Social Norms by Logan Bologna. Tinker, Evers & Chance, $6.43 Bite Me, Norm by Kirk Tiberius James. Julius Manboob … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, boofing, Dark Ages, funky, funny, humor, L.E.D., satire, zany
4 Comments
How I got to Perth Amboy
Q. I’ve just started writing a really cool story, but I’ve hit a speed bump. In my excitement, I forgot to come up with an idea. Where do you get story ideas? A. By “you” do you mean me? Or … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, bear brains, boppers, F.A.Q., funny, Milk Duds, satire, zany
5 Comments
