Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tremendous Suck
I have a whine with the way scientists have failed to explain the journalistic 6 W’s and the H (Who, What, Where, When, Why and Wowser Howzer) of black holes. I’ve streamed endless black hole specials, I’ve seen black hole … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, goddam, Howzer, satire, shut my mouth wide open, Wowser
1 Comment
The Almighty® plan
When New York Times bestselling authors are asked for advice from budding writers, invariably they say the same thing: “You can’t just ask walk up to me and ask me questions, not without first contacting my people, who will tell … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Bibezies, orc, plagiarism, unwashed peeps, wart hog
2 Comments
Brain leakage
1. A young man believes he will never die. An old man believes he will kill the next young man who tells him he looks geezed to the max. 2. Proof that Big Foot is real comes from foot prints … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged geezed, meatball, restroom, safe sex, zany
6 Comments
Blown
Let’s say you’re a god. With a small g, because we all know you’re not the Big G. But, for educational purposes only, let’s continue to say you’re a lower case god like back in the day when they had … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Big G, Bud Lite Lime, Jolene
5 Comments
The Usually Better Business Bureau (TUBBB) has issued the following Consumer Warning:
The NLG corporation makes Nice Looking Gizmo knockoffs that do everything the more costly but less nice-looking gizmos do. Except they only work for about a week and then become nice looking gizmos that don’t do anything except maybe chirp … Continue reading
You may feel a little pinch
Have you ever tried to walk a mile in somebody’s shoes and then got arrested for shoe theft? Have you ever tried to follow the guidelines to life in the Good Book, like killing the fatted calf when your prodigal … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Dentists, nose hair, sand hanitizer, wisdom, zip it
2 Comments
The Peanut Vendor’s Widow
Q. Excuse me. I lost my cell phone. Have you seen it? A. Do I know you? Q. If you knew me, you’d know you don’t know me. A. Then how would I have seen your cell phone? Q. That’s … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, earth, fart, humor, Planet Zulon, satire, zany
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