Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)

Important information interpreted and prescribed

Stoned, as it were

Posted on December 11, 2019 by

Q. It’s been said ‘You can’t get blood from a stone.’ Why? A. You mean why do people say that? Or why can’t you get blood from a stone? Q. Um… A. Take your time. Actually, it’s my time. But … Continue reading →

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Some serious stank

Posted on October 24, 2019 by

Q. Is hip-hop dead? A. Did you say hip hop? Q. No, I said hip-hop. The hyphen is silent, but it’s there. You can feel it. You can even dance to it. If you don’t feel it you will never … Continue reading →

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

First World Problem #782: Dave and the raisins

Posted on October 8, 2019 by

Q. Do you think Dave is the right person to be in charge of raisins? A. What? Who is Dave? Q. He’s the produce manager down at our supermarket. I thought you would have known that. A. Do you know … Continue reading →

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Armed diphthongs

Posted on September 25, 2019 by

Q. I said to my friend “What up dog?” But he didn’t answer me. I said “Dog, what up?” and he said “No comment.” I said “What the firetruck, Dog…” He said “You asked me a rhetorical question and legally … Continue reading →

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Firetrucking idiot

Posted on July 4, 2019 by

Police blotter, Awkward Point police 7:49 a.m. Anonymous tip: burning pants lying in road across from Gunther’s Previously Opened Canned Vegetables.  Pants are smoking in clearly marked “Smoke free” zone. Fire department’s answering machine is full.  Tried to leave message … Continue reading →

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Sigh ops

Posted on June 19, 2019 by

I sat on the edge of my bed this morning and thought about the unpleasant, energy-devouring items on my agenda for the day: shovel the walk, mow the lawn, call Putin and tell him communism sucks, pressure wash the outhouse, … Continue reading →

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Full (as a tick) disclosure

Posted on May 24, 2019 by

You’re about to do something so bold, so socially weird that, should you be caught, your career — if you have one — is over. If you don’t have one, you will be issued a temporary, well-paying career with good … Continue reading →

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments