Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Brain leakage
1. A young man believes he will never die. An old man believes he will kill the next young man who tells him he looks geezed to the max. 2. Proof that Big Foot is real comes from foot prints … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged geezed, meatball, restroom, safe sex, zany
6 Comments
Blown
Let’s say you’re a god. With a small g, because we all know you’re not the Big G. But, for educational purposes only, let’s continue to say you’re a lower case god like back in the day when they had … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Big G, Bud Lite Lime, Jolene
5 Comments
The Usually Better Business Bureau (TUBBB) has issued the following Consumer Warning:
The NLG corporation makes Nice Looking Gizmo knockoffs that do everything the more costly but less nice-looking gizmos do. Except they only work for about a week and then become nice looking gizmos that don’t do anything except maybe chirp … Continue reading
You may feel a little pinch
Have you ever tried to walk a mile in somebody’s shoes and then got arrested for shoe theft? Have you ever tried to follow the guidelines to life in the Good Book, like killing the fatted calf when your prodigal … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Dentists, nose hair, sand hanitizer, wisdom, zip it
2 Comments
The Peanut Vendor’s Widow
Q. Excuse me. I lost my cell phone. Have you seen it? A. Do I know you? Q. If you knew me, you’d know you don’t know me. A. Then how would I have seen your cell phone? Q. That’s … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, earth, fart, humor, Planet Zulon, satire, zany
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Gorilla suit protocol (applies also to grizzlies)
Q. I’m thinking of robbing a bank. Should I wear a mask? A. You mean so nobody will describe you to a police artist for the wanted poster? Q. I’ve got a gorilla mask leftover from Halloween. I wear that … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., foo, gorilla bottoms, gorilla suit, grizzly, humor, satire, zany
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Eye-squinting
Some days I wake up to the melodies of smiling, chirping birds. They make me want to bound out of bed and sing the harmony parts, although K-Mac has a strict policy about singing in the bedroom while she is … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, crap, funny, K-Mac, quotient, satire, smellbad, transmogrify, zany
7 Comments
