Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Pyrrhic Victory #2805
That night, the monster inside O’Reilly awoke. It spread its wings, believing it could fly, but, of course, it could not. So it started thrashing around down there in O’Reilly’s innard rooms, smashing picture frames, knocking over lamps, carving its … Continue reading
That is, to say, screwed
Q. Just who do you think you are?A. I am a United States citizen who knows his rights. Q. Whose rights?A. Well, his rights. Look, I was speaking in the third person, even though there are just the two of … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, burp gun., drool, inalienable, satire, zany
4 Comments
Note to self
When you think about it, life is almost always about eluding the Inquisition. Which Inquisition, you ask? (If you didn’t ask but you asked your spouse or significant other to ask for you — because you’re too embarrassed and you’ve … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged bizarre, cranky, humor, satire, Spanish Inquisition, zany
2 Comments
Tremendous Suck
I have a whine with the way scientists have failed to explain the journalistic 6 W’s and the H (Who, What, Where, When, Why and Wowser Howzer) of black holes. I’ve streamed endless black hole specials, I’ve seen black hole … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, goddam, Howzer, satire, shut my mouth wide open, Wowser
1 Comment
The Almighty® plan
When New York Times bestselling authors are asked for advice from budding writers, invariably they say the same thing: “You can’t just ask walk up to me and ask me questions, not without first contacting my people, who will tell … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Bibezies, orc, plagiarism, unwashed peeps, wart hog
2 Comments
Brain leakage
1. A young man believes he will never die. An old man believes he will kill the next young man who tells him he looks geezed to the max. 2. Proof that Big Foot is real comes from foot prints … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged geezed, meatball, restroom, safe sex, zany
6 Comments
Blown
Let’s say you’re a god. With a small g, because we all know you’re not the Big G. But, for educational purposes only, let’s continue to say you’re a lower case god like back in the day when they had … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Big G, Bud Lite Lime, Jolene
5 Comments
a hint of light 