Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Four guys with Uzis
Q. Hello. Ray, here, at Paranoia Check where we say to the unzipped, the unglued, the madly awry, your crackers, your nuts, your bananas deep-fried: “If you see something, say something.” And remember: the If is always optional. A. Hello. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, exactamundo, funny, paranoia, satire, whack job, zany
1 Comment
Running downhill in the dark
I think it would be appropriate if I were momentarily serious while discussing my recent and actual brain surgery. If you have had brain surgery you may be thinking “Who gives a flying burrito about your brain surgery?” A completely … Continue reading
Posted in Dogs I Have Known, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., funny, hashtag, K-Mac, no-brainer, satire, zany
13 Comments
One strike away
Have you ever started to sing “Somewhere, over the rainbow” but forgot what comes after the? Have you ever started to blow your nose but weren’t paying enough attention because you were reading the New York Times on your device … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, Chiquita, funny, life, Nebuchadanezzer, satire, Snake Glo, zany
3 Comments
On the couch
The other night while watching baseball on the Smart TV, we saw the $80 million pitcher for the visiting team struggling. His cut fastball kept bleeding out; his hairball showed scarcely a follicle; and his trademark sleazeball danced into the … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, balls, hemorrhoids, humor, K-Mac, meatball, satire, zany
2 Comments
A cheap novel
Friends, I am finding it difficult, if not impossible, to attempt to be funny or silly (don’t even think funny and silly) at such a deadly, unfunny period in our American experience. Out there, madness is blooming and being watered … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, f---, funny, K-Mac, mooses, Protestants, satire, zany
2 Comments
FAQ: Without a doubt
Q. My auto mechanic says I have a problem with my rear end. My gastroenterologist says the same thing. My dentist says it’s all in my endo so he sent me to an endodontist. My neighbor says I’ve got my … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, Baloney, doubt, F.A.Q., fake, satire, sneeze, zany
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A little secret
Have you ever found yourself running down the dream and suddenly realized you’d lost your self-awareness? The answer is no, because, if so, you’d be self-aware and already know you’d lost it. See how that works? (The key there is … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, art, death sucks, deindividuation, Guelph, life sucks, satire, suck, zany
2 Comments
