Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: zany
Keep your goulash warm
I talked to the refrigerator again today. It is such an arrogant machine. Beep beep beep. Yes I know the door is still open, you’re so clever. But can’t you see I’m looking for the leftover pizza and I can’t … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, beep, boo boo, Fred Flintstone, K-Mac, meatloaf, satire, tofu, vil, zany
4 Comments
Discontent, datcontent
I would like to take issue with the irritating misuse of the term content. Understand, I’m not talking about content as in “She was not at all content to be married to her great uncle.” Rather, the kind of content … Continue reading
Rebuilding the dead Q. What exactly are power handles?A. They’re pretty much what they sound like. You use them to hang onto power Q. But isn’t the idea of hanging onto power metaphorical?A. No, the idea of hanging onto power … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, humor, power handles, satire, zany
2 Comments
Free wisdom
A few years ago I stepped down as the chief executive officer of a well known Fortune 500 company. Unfortunately, I’m forbidden by a court order to name it—a long story for another time. For now I’ll just call it … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, funny, Jack Cicero, satire, zany
4 Comments
That is, to say, screwed
Q. Just who do you think you are?A. I am a United States citizen who knows his rights. Q. Whose rights?A. Well, his rights. Look, I was speaking in the third person, even though there are just the two of … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, burp gun., drool, inalienable, satire, zany
4 Comments
Note to self
When you think about it, life is almost always about eluding the Inquisition. Which Inquisition, you ask? (If you didn’t ask but you asked your spouse or significant other to ask for you — because you’re too embarrassed and you’ve … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged bizarre, cranky, humor, satire, Spanish Inquisition, zany
2 Comments
Brain leakage
1. A young man believes he will never die. An old man believes he will kill the next young man who tells him he looks geezed to the max. 2. Proof that Big Foot is real comes from foot prints … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged geezed, meatball, restroom, safe sex, zany
6 Comments
a hint of light 