Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Uncategorized
A common geezer mistake
Ladies and gentlemen, today we are launching an internal investigation into the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident. As you know, it has ruined the lives of several innocent and, frankly, very attractive sheep. It has also prompted some of our … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged absurd, boobulah, catapulting, funny, satire, sheep dip, zany
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The banger and the bun
My brother-in-law lives in one of those exclusive grated communities. Every other week huge trucks with tires as tall as a Donald Trump tale unload a small mountain of grated romano or parmesan cheese in the parking lot next to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy, Uncategorized
Tagged absurd, banger, buns, funny, satire, sausage, walrus, zany
3 Comments
The diagnosis
Patient X (Not me): When I do the dishes, I tend to think out loud. Dr. Pepperoncini: Never talk to the dishes. Even if they start the conversation. Patient X: Did I say I talked to the dishes? Dr. Pepperoncini: … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged humor, knockwurst, peckerwood, Pepperoncini, satire, zany
2 Comments
The 5 Biggest Myths about Thanksgiving
1. The Indians arrived in a Plymouth. A very common misconception. In fact, The Puritans sailed from England in The Mayflower, which hit a large rock just off Massachusetts. It sank within sight of the Cape Cod Plymouth dealership. Because … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged absurd, humor, Indians, satire, Thanksgiving, turkey, zany
3 Comments
Thinking with your beak
Although debate over same sex marriage has temporarily cooled, a new assault on the I-do-I-do tradition has been sucked into the 24-hour news cycle. I speak of the controversial and very delicate some sex marriage movement. Champions of the movement, … Continue reading
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged absurd, bulges, Funkland, funny, humor, neenu nana, Plato, satire, some sex marriage
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Blurping at the brink
Years ago when the nest emptied, K-Mac and I worked out an equal distribution of duties in the household. She would cook, clean, do the laundry, sheer the sheep, tan the hides, pull all teeth, change all tires and keep … Continue reading
Posted in News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy, Uncategorized
Tagged humor, satire
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Alone with my elephant
I didn’t want to appear complacent. Especially not at a time when just about everyone seems so dissatisfied with their slow progress toward fame, fortune and reality. So yesterday, I called myself into the office and fired me. Needless to … Continue reading
a hint of light 