Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: The human comedy
Keep your goulash warm
I talked to the refrigerator again today. It is such an arrogant machine. Beep beep beep. Yes I know the door is still open, you’re so clever. But can’t you see I’m looking for the leftover pizza and I can’t … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, beep, boo boo, Fred Flintstone, K-Mac, meatloaf, satire, tofu, vil, zany
5 Comments
Releasing the krakken
Before I got started, I received a text from the site police. “We’ll need to verify it’s you.” “Why can’t I just say ‘It’s me?” I typed. The snarky reply text said “That is a question that not only shows … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged krakken
4 Comments
Tremendous Suck
I have a whine with the way scientists have failed to explain the journalistic 6 W’s and the H (Who, What, Where, When, Why and Wowser Howzer) of black holes. I’ve streamed endless black hole specials, I’ve seen black hole … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, goddam, Howzer, satire, shut my mouth wide open, Wowser
1 Comment
The Almighty® plan
When New York Times bestselling authors are asked for advice from budding writers, invariably they say the same thing: “You can’t just ask walk up to me and ask me questions, not without first contacting my people, who will tell … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Bibezies, orc, plagiarism, unwashed peeps, wart hog
2 Comments
Blown
Let’s say you’re a god. With a small g, because we all know you’re not the Big G. But, for educational purposes only, let’s continue to say you’re a lower case god like back in the day when they had … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Big G, Bud Lite Lime, Jolene
5 Comments
The Usually Better Business Bureau (TUBBB) has issued the following Consumer Warning:
The NLG corporation makes Nice Looking Gizmo knockoffs that do everything the more costly but less nice-looking gizmos do. Except they only work for about a week and then become nice looking gizmos that don’t do anything except maybe chirp … Continue reading
a hint of light 