Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)

Important information interpreted and prescribed

Ten Steps To Becoming a New York Times Bestselling author*

Posted on November 16, 2015 by PMcG

1. Sit down with pencil and paper and say “Hmm.” Don’t think “Hmm.” Say “Hmm.” Louder. (Don’t stand up. Research shows that standing-up tricks your brain into thinking you’re going out for a beer or upstairs for a nap, or … Continue reading →

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FAQ: Huge Bug

Posted on November 13, 2015 by PMcG

Q.Whenever X—(not her real initial) sees a bug on the ceiling she says “Ooh, there’s a bug on the ceiling.” That means I’m supposed to kill it or talk it into leaving right this minute, mister. But the bug-fearing little … Continue reading →

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What gall

Posted on November 3, 2015 by PMcG

While standing in the prescription line at the pharmacy, I often get restless and fidgety. I tend to buzz or vibrate, even levitate, all while giving off a tuneless whistling sound. I look desperately around for some distraction to take … Continue reading →

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Ask a bluesman

Posted on October 27, 2015 by PMcG

Q. I think I have the blues, but my doctor says it’s just irritable bowel syndrome. A. Is your doctor a bluesman? Q. He’s a gastroenterologist. A. You mean an ologist who enters your gastro works? Q. Not in the … Continue reading →

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Foldos in the wallet

Posted on October 21, 2015 by PMcG

A split second before I hit the mute button, a voice on our flat screen said “Are you asking the right questions about how your wealth is managed?” I was raised to be polite, so instead of snarling “Go to … Continue reading →

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Blecchh!

Posted on October 14, 2015 by PMcG

I don’t usually write about mayonnaise. It’s a serious failing and probably what’s kept me from winning a MacArthur genius grant, or the prestigious “I’m more humble than you” competition. But a lot of people just don’t like mayonnaise. Many … Continue reading →

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Smelling the end zone

Posted on October 6, 2015 by PMcG

Baseball season has ended with a melancholy whiff, and football season is upon us like a grand piano falling eight floors onto a poodle. Let’s see that again Bob. Ooh. That’s gonna leave a stain. Let’s see that again, Bob… … Continue reading →

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