Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
The last surviving sausage
How many hours, how many days do you think you’ve spent staring blankly into the refrigerator, not sure exactly what you’re looking for but too starved, too lost at sea, too off your meds to know it aint in there? … Continue reading
Posted in News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged beep, funny, King Fridge, satire, sausage
6 Comments
A flat iron will do the trick
I have very few complaints. Nothing that a million dollars couldn’t resolve. The only real annoyance I can think of—and it’s such a piddling, nitpicky issue that I’m embarrassed to admit it—but I haven’t yet received my million dollars. And … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Orient-R, satire, stinkbad
6 Comments
When she is ten times better at it
You’ve seen it happen again and again. Someone throws a fish to a seal, he goes “Ork ork,” catches it in his mouth, swallows it and comes back for another. Yet if somebody throws a fish to a man, it … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged balls, fish, funny, humor, satire, seal, Zamboni, zany
5 Comments
Apostles playing shuffleboard
Persuaded by several factors, I decided to sell my Nobel Prize (NOZE). Factor One: I’d gotten all the glory I was ever going to get from it. My wife was proud, but she wasn’t going to get up every day … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged funny, Haiku, Last Supper, NOZE, satire, stink bug, walleye, zany
2 Comments
The head of a toad
I’m going to be blunt: no sugar-coating, no waffling, no pancaking, no sausaging, no baconing, no bear clawing. And political correctness be damned. Oh, and no napkinating. So. The truth is (and this hurts) we own a stupid toaster. I’m … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged funny, Gettysburg, humor, Latvia, satire, toad, zany
7 Comments
The Pope of comedy
Today on Talking With Famous Bob we welcome best-selling author Knute Knudeknick. His last book “God Made The World Flat So It’s Easier to Vacuum,” tells of a boy growing up poor on a throw-rug farm in North Dakota. When … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F-bomb, funny, humor, Knudeknick, satire, zany
9 Comments
The head scratch thing
I sat at my brilliant idea machine trying to coax a brilliant thought from its keyboard. I had a good one by the ankles, but the little booger was holding on for dear life and I just couldn’t budge it. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Passaic, satire, snappy, zany
5 Comments
a hint of light 