Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
How to smuggle an elephant
Last August I read an Associated Press story out of Bangkok with this actual headline: “Thai Police Seize 14 Elephants With Fake IDs.” Smugglers, it turns out, use falsified papers to sneak elephants into Thailand from Myanmar. As reports have … Continue reading
Musical fruit
This is about green beans, but first a slight digression. Stick with it and an important green bean point will appear. Trust me. I once taught a tone-deaf guy to play the banjo. So. You’re driving along and the red … Continue reading
The man who invented thinking
By Rene “Buzz” Descartes, I have been asked to say a few words about how I thought up my most famous line “I think, therefore I am.” I get more questions on that than any of my other thinking lines–including … Continue reading
Frequently Asked Questions: Dystopia
Q. I’ve heard the word dystopia used a lot lately. Is it contagious? A. Just to clarify, you want to know about dystopia, not dattopia, right? Some people get them mixed up. Q. What the heck is dattopia? A. And, … Continue reading
It’s as simple as that
While the ancient game of hurling–not to be confused with curling or nurling–has been enjoyed by tens of people in Ireland, Scotland and other countries over the centuries, its corruption by Americans has turned it into a psychological blood sport. … Continue reading
Frequently Asked Questions: The nose
Q. Why do we have a nose? A. So we can breathe and live happily ever after or until we stop breathing. Whichever comes first. Q. How does your nose smell? A. It smells okay, how about yours? Q. I … Continue reading
How cold is it?
A friend says to me “What’s the weather like outside?” I grimace. “It’s hotter than a beanstalk.” My friend blinks once. Twice. “Did you say beanstalk?” I sigh. Another beanstalk noob, meaning I have to explain myself out loud and … Continue reading
a hint of light 