Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: The human comedy
Yah sure, you betcha
Too-much-information alert: This morning, Polar-Vortexed to distraction, I weakened and dug out the long underwear. Haven’t felt so longjohn cold since that day ten years ago in Grand Forks, North Dakota. How cold was it? Plastic surgeons were doing reconstructive … Continue reading
Fat bees buzzing
Outside my basement window stands a bush, its cold, gnarly branches covered with thick, wet snow. A bright red cardinal—not the kind that can become pope—perches on a branch, staring at me. I’m staring back. Like most staring contests, this … Continue reading
Around the bend
The good bad boy does his best with the random meatballs that fate rolls off the plates of good times onto life’s white carpet of stain ability. His career numbers for calmly reacting to life’s little drone strikes hover at … Continue reading
Two bears walk into a bar
Two bears, Steve and Ted, walk into a bar. “Hope they don’t ask for ID,” says Ted. “They don’t check bears for ID.” “How do you know?” “I just know,” says Steve, the older of the two. “By the way … Continue reading
Blow that bozo away
Why do we say “It’s snowing like a bastard?” What does a bastard have to do with snow? Better question: how does a bastard snow? Let me count the ways. For my exhaustive research turned up a letter written years … Continue reading
He knew it and he knew I knew he knew it.
No. 21 in “Nuggets I picked up from my dog,” inspired while walking the late Coffee J. Dogg. Once upon a time, Coffee J. Dogg was a used hound in need of a new life. By happenstance I was a … Continue reading
The Panama Limited (Very)
No. 20 in “Nuggets I picked up from my dog,” inspired while walking the late Coffee J. Dogg. I am summoned from my bed by a dreadful keening, a low moaning sound that rises gradually to a howl, like an … Continue reading
a hint of light 