Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: funny
How I got to Perth Amboy
Q. I’ve just started writing a really cool story, but I’ve hit a speed bump. In my excitement, I forgot to come up with an idea. Where do you get story ideas? A. By “you” do you mean me? Or … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, bear brains, boppers, F.A.Q., funny, Milk Duds, satire, zany
5 Comments
Large-fruit paranoia
Into the tire shop, then, to pick up his car with its freshly rotated tires. He waits in the showroom, surrounded by hundreds of gleaming black tires hanging from the walls or poised in garish cardboard floor displays. The place … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, cream cheese, duality, funny, satire, wrench monger, zany
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Do they think we are stupid?
They want you to believe that the world is round and not flat for one simple reason: The world actually is flat, as more and more people here at the rubber plantation are beginning to find out. Look, when tens … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, banjo, Brussels sprouts, funny, global warming, prickly heat, satire, ukulele, zany
13 Comments
That is gross, man
Got a new dish-washing scrub brush, and boys, it is a beaut. It’s snub nosed, comes with a shoulder holster and fits my fist like a set of brass knuckles. We’re talking heft and the kind of authority any prison … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, flubba, funny, satire, Swarovski, Utica Club, zany
3 Comments
Drinking Manhattans
People – usually men people — often ask me “When am I too old to float my boats in the tub?” Some will tell me their mother or their wife, or both of them together will say that any age … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Manhattans, North Dakota, orange, satire, zany
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The rats are dead
So. I went down to the Social Media Blackmarket to procure some followers. As a blogger, I want lots of followers for the simple reason that if you have, say, just two followers and one of them is make-believe, it … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, followers, funny, peeps, rats, satire, zany, Zunar
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The penguin incident
I sat in the Washington office of Dr. Holler B. Snowbody, the Third Junior Deputy Deputy Undersecretary in the Department of Homeland Frisking, Risk Assessment Division, Penguins. I was on assignment for Big Beak (the magazine of birds with big beaks) … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Lutefisk, penguin, satire, Tiki, zany
2 Comments
a hint of light 