Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: humor
Chisel-headed communist
I was signing into some website and it asked for my password. I admit I am one of those complete and troublesome idiots who can never remember any of the 1,271 passwords for my 1,271 most important websites. Over the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, chagrin, doozy, humor, satire, wisdom, zany
3 Comments
Stoned, as it were
Q. It’s been said ‘You can’t get blood from a stone.’ Why? A. You mean why do people say that? Or why can’t you get blood from a stone? Q. Um… A. Take your time. Actually, it’s my time. But … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, haughty, humor, marmalade, satire, stupid, zany
4 Comments
Some serious stank
Q. Is hip-hop dead? A. Did you say hip hop? Q. No, I said hip-hop. The hyphen is silent, but it’s there. You can feel it. You can even dance to it. If you don’t feel it you will never … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., hip-hop, humor, satire, stank, zany
3 Comments
Fun with legumes
Q. Big debate in the used-car sales director’s office. Isn’t nothingness the exact opposite of being?A. I get that question a lot. Just the other day a guy in a hardware store asked me if I knew where they kept … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, bean, being, Camus, humor, legume, nothingness, satire
6 Comments
Sigh ops
I sat on the edge of my bed this morning and thought about the unpleasant, energy-devouring items on my agenda for the day: shovel the walk, mow the lawn, call Putin and tell him communism sucks, pressure wash the outhouse, … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, Ernnnnnn, humor, jammies, satire, sigh, Stonewall Jackson
5 Comments
Elephant check
I was in the counting house, counting all my money. Okay, our money. K-Mac sat counting the ways I needed to improve if I expected her to hang around for another 50 years. She suggested I stop fantasizing all the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Dogs I Have Known
Tagged absurd, humor, K-Mac, lost elephant, muffin man, satire, zany
2 Comments
The biggest idiot
A History of Social Norms, by Edna St. Vitus-Dance. Barns & Silo, $29.95 (Big Chief tablet-paper edition, with-visible-flecks-of-wood-and-lumberjack) The Abandonment of Social Norms by Logan Bologna. Tinker, Evers & Chance, $6.43 Bite Me, Norm by Kirk Tiberius James. Julius Manboob … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, boofing, Dark Ages, funky, funny, humor, L.E.D., satire, zany
4 Comments
a hint of light 