Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: satire
Alone with my elephant
I didn’t want to appear complacent. Especially not at a time when just about everyone seems so dissatisfied with their slow progress toward fame, fortune and reality. So yesterday, I called myself into the office and fired me. Needless to … Continue reading
Never say worm to a horse
Every day while driving to a job site at which my services are no longer required, I passed half a dozen horse farms. I was perplexed by the sight of some horses out there in the chill morning wearing blankets … Continue reading
Sic transit gloria mundi*
Yesterday he lifted a slat in the blinds and saw The Spanish Inquisition driving through the neighborhood. He quickly ducked away, his back to the wall. Gulping for air, he wondered how they had found him. He spent the rest … Continue reading
How to smuggle an elephant
Last August I read an Associated Press story out of Bangkok with this actual headline: “Thai Police Seize 14 Elephants With Fake IDs.” Smugglers, it turns out, use falsified papers to sneak elephants into Thailand from Myanmar. As reports have … Continue reading
How cold is it?
Katherine comes in from the cold, red-faced and shivering. “It feels like it’s 20 degrees out there.” “Wrong,” I reply. “It feels like 17.” “Says who?” “The Weather Channel, of course.” I hand her my smart phone which has a … Continue reading
The man who invented thinking
By Rene “Buzz” Descartes, I have been asked to say a few words about how I thought up my most famous line “I think, therefore I am.” I get more questions on that than any of my other thinking lines–including … Continue reading
Frequently Asked Questions: Dystopia
Q. I’ve heard the word dystopia used a lot lately. Is it contagious? A. Just to clarify, you want to know about dystopia, not dattopia, right? Some people get them mixed up. Q. What the heck is dattopia? A. And, … Continue reading
a hint of light 