Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: zany
F.A.Q. The epiglottis
Q. What is an epiglottis? A. Excuse me, but did you not see the signs? Q. You mean the signs that say the end of the world is at hand and/or foot? A. No, the signs that say this line … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, epiglottis, Fu Manchu, funny, hairless, satire, zany
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Blowing Uncle Bob
A loud crashing noise from the kitchen. Something on the level of a rusted VW microbus hurled against the side of the house by a Visigoth catapult. I rush to the bottom of the stairway and holler “Anyone hurt up … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, E.D.Begone, funny, reality, satire, womb room, zany
2 Comments
Holding your water
It’s hard to get across to new writers that for all the effort and pain they put into writing their poem, their novel, their hip-hoppery, those brilliant scribbles are nothing but a first draft. I learned the hard way. I … Continue reading
Posted in funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged burro, Innisfree, Kipling, rewrite, satire, Tennyson, tinterns, Wordsworth, zany
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Listen up, you maggots
The Japanese form of poetry known as haiku conveys observations about nature and/or boneheadosity in a 17-syllable verse. Traditionally, haiku are expressed in three non-rhyming lines of five, seven and five syllables. Here is a rare example of an ancient … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged bulges, false nose, funny, Haiku, satire, zany
5 Comments
Burbling borscht
As I often do while trying to think up new ways of saying nothing, I anchored my elbow on the arm of my desk chair and, into the splay of my fingers, I rested my chin–which, one might describe (if … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Monsignor, satire, yardstick, zany, zepto chip
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F.A.Stupid.Q. What is Redacted?
Q. Journalists complain about documents being redacted. What does that mean? A. The short answer is I can’t tell you Q.Is there a longer answer? A. Maybe. Q. My mother said if I asked politely that you would tell me. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged FAQ, Pete's sake, redacted, Rex Ryan, zany
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Aunt Tilda is in the building
This friend of mine (not me) was out of deodorant. Little wavy lines of stinkbad radiated from his smelter zones. People moved away from him when he entered the room—much further and even faster than usual. Irresponsible news reports described … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged fragrance, funny, satire, stinkbad, zany
4 Comments
a hint of light 