A. Can I help you?
Q. You’re supposed to say ‘Who’s there?’
A. Why? I can see who’s there. It’s you.
Q. Yeah, but who am I?
A. I give up. Who am you?
Q. Come on. I’m knocking on your door and you’re supposed to say who’s there so I can tell you who’s there.
A. I don’t know how to break this to you, but there’s no door. You’re standing in front of a card table. I’m sitting here, ready to answer your frequently asked questions about whatever.
A. Come again? Look, I don’t really mean come again. I wish you hadn’t come in the first place. But did you say Obama?
Q. You’re supposed to say Obama who.
A. I know who Obama is. And you aint him. First of all, you’re white. Second of all, I just can’t get past first of all.
Q. Okay, obviously I’m not Obama. I’m not even president, either. But that’s not the point.
A. Let me guess. The point is the one on top of your head.
Q. Humor me. Just say ‘Obama who?’
A. You know, I’m a volunteer. I don’t get paid to do this.
Q. Come on. Please. Pretty please with marmelade.
A. I could have been a contender.
Q. From the top, okay? I say knock-knock, you say who’s there, I say Obama. You say…
A. I say I’m dialing 9-1-1.
A. Okay, but only because of the marmelade. Obama who?
Q. Alllllll byyyy myyyyy self.
A. Gee, for a minute there you sounded like Celine Dion. You should lose the beard, though. It spoils the effect.
Q. Obama self. Get it? Oh baaaa maaaa self.
A. Is this some kind of a joke?
Q. Of course it is. Haven’t you ever heard of a knock-knock joke?
A. Aren’t jokes supposed to be funny?
Q. They are funny. Try it.
A. All right. Knock-knock.
Q. Who’s there?
Q. Obama who?
A. President Obama, you idiot. How many other Obama’s have you ever heard of?
Q. I don’t get it.
A. Neither do I.
Q. But you do have a nice singing voice.
A. I practice in the shower.
…30 seconds later…
Q. Excuse me, but that guy who just left here?
A. What about him?
Q. Wasn’t that Obama Igalixpoo?
A. Obama who?
Q. O-ba-ma seeeeellllf.
A. What, did you two guys break out of the asylum together?
…4 seconds later…
Q. Hi. Is this the Frequently Asked Question station?
A. I hope you’re not going to sing.
Q. I was trying to remember the notes on the Tonal scale. What note comes between fa and la?
A. That would be Sol.
Q. Sooooola Oooootra Vez.
A. Please don’t tell me that’s Spanish for…
Q. O-Baa-ma seeelfff.
A. You know, in some states it’s illegal to fool with people. Although, interestingly, not if you’re running for president.
…7 seconds later…
Q. Pardon me. Have you seen any Secret Service agents looking for me?
A. Hey, aren’t you…
Q. O-Baa-ma seeelf.
A. You know, I voted for you, and now you’re pulling my chain.
Q. Sorry. I don’t get much time alone when I can just blow out the pipes.
A. Uh, so to speak, right?
Q. By the way, Knock-Knock.
A. Oh boy. Who’s there, Mr. President.
A. Okay. Bjorn who?
Q. Bjorn in the U.S.A. I was…Bjorn in the U.S.A.
A. Everybody knows that. Well, almost everybody.
©Patrick A. McGuire and A Hint of Light 2013-2016, all rights reserved.