Unraveled pants

Need some quick fame? Verrrry simple: Rewrite famous sayings (see below for examples) and claim them as your own. Alert the media. Bask in glory. Good luck avoiding paparazzi.

I think, therefore I am. (Descartes)
I think. Okay, been there, done that. When do we eat?

To be or not to be, that is the question. (Hamlet)
2B or not 2B? That is a middle seat and I specifically asked for 2A or 2C.

Many hands make light work. (Heywood)
Many feet make scary bug.

Life’s too short to borrow sorrow. (The Delmore brothers)
Death is too long to borrow anything.

Sleep knits up the raveled sleeve of care.(Macbeth)
Beer unravels the legs of your pants.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. (Aristotle)
The roots of education are bitter because the tree with the sweet fruit has been chopped down to build a wall around Mexico.

Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don’t. (Leon Carr)
Sometimes I feel like taking off my clothes before I shower. Sometimes I don’t.

You only get one chance to make a good first impression. (Old adage)
If you make a bad first impression, your only hope is to blame it on your evil twin. If that fails, there’s always the “Evil Triplet” defense, but it does require some tap dancing.

Two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less traveled by. (Frost)
Two roads diverged in a wood and I said “What the fork? This isn’t on Google maps.” Anyway, I took the one less traveled and now I need a tow.

Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. (Emerson)
Beware when the great God lets loose a stinker on this planet.

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whisky. (Edison)
As a cure for worrying, not worrying is better with whisky.

A short saying oft contains much wisdom. (Sophocles)
Piss Oft.

Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing. (Sign at Vince Lombardi rest stop on the Jersey Turnpike.)
Getting a rest room on the Jersey Turnpike named after you when dead is neither everything nor the only thing. It’s one of those inexplicably stupid things. Get in there, wash your hands, and get out of New Jersey as fast as you can.

He covers the sky with clouds, He supplies the earth with rain, and maketh the grass grow on the hills. (Psalms 147:8)
He sprinkles the land with bugs because they’re driving himeth crazy upeth there.

The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things but their inward significance. (Aristotle)
The aim of the artist is always improved by standing as close to the canvas as possible.

The best way to predict the future is to create it. (Peter Drucker)
The worst way to predict the future is to take a poll, which is pretty much what Drucker said.

Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted. (Einstein)
Everything that can be pickled does not necessarily pickle; everything that pickles cannot necessarily be pickled. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers because he was in a pickle and, necessarily, pickled.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone. (Wilcox)
Laugh and everybody laughs with you but the nun. Weep and you weep alone in the principal’s office, mister.

God gave Noah the rainbow sign: No more water but the fire next time. (Negro spiritual)
God gave Noah the rainbow sign: No more water but The Donald next time.

©Patrick A. McGuire and A Hint of Light 2013-2017, all rights reserved.

This entry was posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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