Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Absurd and/or zany
Wake up and smell
Saw a movie the other night where Denzel Washington demanded kidnappers give him Proof of Life that the person he was trying to ransom was still alive. Still alive. Or as Monty Python would have it “Not quite dead yet.” … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged cremation, doobie, foo foo, funny, humor, satire
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The duck commander
While waiting at a stop sign for further instructions, I started thinking about the presumptions made by the boys and girls down at the highway department. When they decide what goes on a highway sign they presume that we—the un-neutered, … Continue reading
1955 green linoleum
The New York Times interviewed me for a feature on novelists who are unpublished because they aren’t tall. Or, in some cases, because they are too tall. I agreed on the off chance a publisher might see it and say … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, linoleum, Moby Dicked, satire, Spanish Inquisition, Stendahl
6 Comments
F.A.Stupid.Q. What is Redacted?
Q. Journalists complain about documents being redacted. What does that mean? A. The short answer is I can’t tell you Q.Is there a longer answer? A. Maybe. Q. My mother said if I asked politely that you would tell me. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged FAQ, Pete's sake, redacted, Rex Ryan, zany
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Aunt Tilda is in the building
This friend of mine (not me) was out of deodorant. Little wavy lines of stinkbad radiated from his smelter zones. People moved away from him when he entered the room—much further and even faster than usual. Irresponsible news reports described … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged fragrance, funny, satire, stinkbad, zany
4 Comments
Sign on White House fence
Attention IM-buh-sill Apparently the voices in your head have told you to climb over this fence to get into the White House so you can: a. use the throne b. check out the blue room to see if it’s really … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, farouk, funny, humor, satire, Secret Service, White House, zany
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My Mommy said not to put beans in my ears
Let’s say you have a headache caused by facing up to the folly of your life, vis a vis stubbornly clinging to the fantasy of getting rich, famous and relatively beloved by even non-relatives before deadness reduces you to a … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged commas, grammar, humor, idiots, satire, zany
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a hint of light 