Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Mockery and derision
The naked astronomer
Have you noticed how time seems to be going faster and faster? I went to bed last week as a promising 32-year-old and when I woke up I was missing my hair, I had an appointment for a colonoscopy and … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, Beano, flatulent, funny, gluten, humor, lip plumpers, satire, Utica Club
4 Comments
Mistaken for Mr. Peanut
I think we all agree that a scary percentage of the 320 million people in the United States are what may charitably be called “one quack short of a duck.” Uncharitable bastards, however, still insist on labeling them “one duck … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged cylon, duck, funny, humor, Mr. Peanut, nutjob, quack, satire
6 Comments
A handful of panty hose
As I have noted publicly–while ambidextrously noting privately those who take no note of my noting—I am the honcho of the weekly grocery shopping. In that capacity I get the use of the Honda (sans le conductor backseato,) a black … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged Cart Woman, chocolateless, funny, humor, K-Mac, macaroons, satire
2 Comments
Holding your water
It’s hard to get across to new writers that for all the effort and pain they put into writing their poem, their novel, their hip-hoppery, those brilliant scribbles are nothing but a first draft. I learned the hard way. I … Continue reading
Posted in funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged burro, Innisfree, Kipling, rewrite, satire, Tennyson, tinterns, Wordsworth, zany
2 Comments
Listen up, you maggots
The Japanese form of poetry known as haiku conveys observations about nature and/or boneheadosity in a 17-syllable verse. Traditionally, haiku are expressed in three non-rhyming lines of five, seven and five syllables. Here is a rare example of an ancient … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged bulges, false nose, funny, Haiku, satire, zany
5 Comments
Burbling borscht
As I often do while trying to think up new ways of saying nothing, I anchored my elbow on the arm of my desk chair and, into the splay of my fingers, I rested my chin–which, one might describe (if … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Monsignor, satire, yardstick, zany, zepto chip
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Shaking the sillies out
I held a press conference to announce my candidacy in 2016, but a lot of you weren’t there. Oh, yes, I noticed each and every one of you who didn’t show up, even after I sent all those engraved invitations. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, CM Wangs, funny, humor, ick, prickly, satire, warter wickie
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a hint of light 