Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Chisel-headed communist
I was signing into some website and it asked for my password. I admit I am one of those complete and troublesome idiots who can never remember any of the 1,271 passwords for my 1,271 most important websites. Over the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, chagrin, doozy, humor, satire, wisdom, zany
3 Comments
Evil, evil bo beevil
To many these days, there’s nothing more satisfying than making fun of something or someone they don’t understand, without realizing how very much they misunderstand that “those people” do, in fact, understand, but are too polite, or Canadian, to say … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, funny, irony, satire, zany
1 Comment
Attention: people in white coats
A bear walks into a bar… Okay, hold it right there… I don’t know about you, but it’s been quite a while since a bear last walked into a bar in my town. Some blame it on the liberals, those … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, nazi bastards, oddball patrons, satire, tutus, zany, zombie
2 Comments
Stoned, as it were
Q. It’s been said ‘You can’t get blood from a stone.’ Why? A. You mean why do people say that? Or why can’t you get blood from a stone? Q. Um… A. Take your time. Actually, it’s my time. But … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, haughty, humor, marmalade, satire, stupid, zany
4 Comments
Some serious stank
Q. Is hip-hop dead? A. Did you say hip hop? Q. No, I said hip-hop. The hyphen is silent, but it’s there. You can feel it. You can even dance to it. If you don’t feel it you will never … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., hip-hop, humor, satire, stank, zany
3 Comments
First World Problem #782: Dave and the raisins
Q. Do you think Dave is the right person to be in charge of raisins? A. What? Who is Dave? Q. He’s the produce manager down at our supermarket. I thought you would have known that. A. Do you know … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., funny, knock-knock, nutball, parody, sarcasm, satire, zany
3 Comments
Armed diphthongs
Q. I said to my friend “What up dog?” But he didn’t answer me. I said “Dog, what up?” and he said “No comment.” I said “What the firetruck, Dog…” He said “You asked me a rhetorical question and legally … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, colonoscopy, Purple Dotter, rhetorical Q, satire, ticks, torso
3 Comments
