Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Gorilla suit protocol (applies also to grizzlies)
Q. I’m thinking of robbing a bank. Should I wear a mask? A. You mean so nobody will describe you to a police artist for the wanted poster? Q. I’ve got a gorilla mask leftover from Halloween. I wear that … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., foo, gorilla bottoms, gorilla suit, grizzly, humor, satire, zany
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Eye-squinting
Some days I wake up to the melodies of smiling, chirping birds. They make me want to bound out of bed and sing the harmony parts, although K-Mac has a strict policy about singing in the bedroom while she is … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, crap, funny, K-Mac, quotient, satire, smellbad, transmogrify, zany
7 Comments
From the hair down
Q. I heard the lieutenant-governor of Texas say there are more important things in life than living. A. Like what? Q. That’s what I wanted to ask. What’s more important than living? A. Hockey? Q. No. Because, see, hockey falls … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, dead, F.A.Q., humor, underwear, zany
5 Comments
Chisel-headed communist
I was signing into some website and it asked for my password. I admit I am one of those complete and troublesome idiots who can never remember any of the 1,271 passwords for my 1,271 most important websites. Over the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, chagrin, doozy, humor, satire, wisdom, zany
3 Comments
Evil, evil bo beevil
To many these days, there’s nothing more satisfying than making fun of something or someone they don’t understand, without realizing how very much they misunderstand that “those people” do, in fact, understand, but are too polite, or Canadian, to say … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, funny, irony, satire, zany
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Attention: people in white coats
A bear walks into a bar… Okay, hold it right there… I don’t know about you, but it’s been quite a while since a bear last walked into a bar in my town. Some blame it on the liberals, those … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, nazi bastards, oddball patrons, satire, tutus, zany, zombie
2 Comments
Stoned, as it were
Q. It’s been said ‘You can’t get blood from a stone.’ Why? A. You mean why do people say that? Or why can’t you get blood from a stone? Q. Um… A. Take your time. Actually, it’s my time. But … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, haughty, humor, marmalade, satire, stupid, zany
4 Comments
