Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Would it kill you?
Read an interesting article in the latest copy of “Interesting Articles and Ammo” magazine. A woman in Davenport, Iowa was vacuuming the living room carpet when she came up against her husband, seated in his chair, reading “Interesting Articles and … Continue reading
Posted in funny, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, bosom, davenport, depraved, LeBron, Maraschino, satire, wisdom, zany
5 Comments
Large-fruit paranoia
Into the tire shop, then, to pick up his car with its freshly rotated tires. He waits in the showroom, surrounded by hundreds of gleaming black tires hanging from the walls or poised in garish cardboard floor displays. The place … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, cream cheese, duality, funny, satire, wrench monger, zany
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It will heal before your wedding
Q. Sometimes people call those who disagree with them communists. But then you’ll hear them calling the same people fascists. Can people be both communist and fascist? A. Not if they hope to attend their respective balls. Q. Don’t the … Continue reading
Posted in F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
2 Comments
Do they think we are stupid?
They want you to believe that the world is round and not flat for one simple reason: The world actually is flat, as more and more people here at the rubber plantation are beginning to find out. Look, when tens … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, banjo, Brussels sprouts, funny, global warming, prickly heat, satire, ukulele, zany
11 Comments
That is gross, man
Got a new dish-washing scrub brush, and boys, it is a beaut. It’s snub nosed, comes with a shoulder holster and fits my fist like a set of brass knuckles. We’re talking heft and the kind of authority any prison … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, flubba, funny, satire, Swarovski, Utica Club, zany
3 Comments
It helps if your name isn’t Bob
There are two big things out there now. One of them is the constant need to assure everyone around you that you get it — usually when there are important things to be gotten and the reputation of your getfullness … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, biodegradable, humor, llama, satire, sex, Tropic of Capricorn, zany
3 Comments
Drinking Manhattans
People – usually men people — often ask me “When am I too old to float my boats in the tub?” Some will tell me their mother or their wife, or both of them together will say that any age … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Manhattans, North Dakota, orange, satire, zany
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