Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Duckspeak
We were en route to nowhere on one interstate or another, lost in disparate musings about Gid Tanner and the Skillet Lickers, mulching the garden, how one might get out of mulching the garden, how many Oreos are left at … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged 1984, absurd, funny, Orwellian, satire, The Donald, zany
4 Comments
The Parsippany cutoff
One of the hazards of staffing a Frequently Asked Questions booth is that all too frequently the questions come with such lack of (i.e., im) becility that many of our volunteers suffer breakdowns, some of them automotive in nature, others … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, banjo, gawumpie, humor, Nuggets, satire, trapezoid, zany
7 Comments
Blown dead
Who can deny that we live in an age of gizmotic marvels? You sir? (Security, table three, guy in the chicken suit). The cell phone, the computer, the internet, the cloud, the penile implant, the driverless car, the waterless state, … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged funny, leafblower, satire, zany
2 Comments
Tweetholes
Sigh. Almost daily some celebrity tweets something reprehensible and the media jumps on it like Mr. Hippo on a mudpie. Typically, the celeb botches the mandatory faux apology, tarnishing the silver tea service of his reputation and punching up a full … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, satire, tacos, The Carpenter, tweetholes, zany
1 Comment
Before I bite your neck
We use clichés everyday, usually without any idea of where or how a certain phrase originated. We blissfully claim to have had “More fun than a barrel of monkeys.” We warn “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.” We … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, funny, nudist, rutabaga, satire, zany, Zarathustra.
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The diagnosis
Patient X (Not me): When I do the dishes, I tend to think out loud. Dr. Pepperoncini: Never talk to the dishes. Even if they start the conversation. Patient X: Did I say I talked to the dishes? Dr. Pepperoncini: … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged humor, knockwurst, peckerwood, Pepperoncini, satire, zany
2 Comments
Bear unzipped
Two guys are walking down a street in Iowa. To avoid lawsuits, we’ll call them the first guy and the second guy (not their real walking guy order). First guy says “Have you decided who you’re voting for?” “The Idiot,” … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bears, Crackpot, Dopes, funny, humor, satire, zany
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a hint of light 