Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Designate this
Psychiatrists have finally recognized Baseball Player Personality Disorder–sometimes known as On the Schneid Syndrome. In “The Sabermetrics of Stinking Up The Stadium,” Dr. Ferris Wheeler states that, next to striking out while being intentionally walked, the most painful moment in … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, baseball, Blue Wahoos, funny, gnome, humor, satire, therapist, waivers
4 Comments
The naked astronomer
Have you noticed how time seems to be going faster and faster? I went to bed last week as a promising 32-year-old and when I woke up I was missing my hair, I had an appointment for a colonoscopy and … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, Beano, flatulent, funny, gluten, humor, lip plumpers, satire, Utica Club
4 Comments
Don’t do that, you idiot
Just as those with whooping cough tend to whoop it up a lot, and those with erectile dysfunction cannot whoop it up one little bit, those who suffer from the angst of anxiety are often very anxious. But while the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, anxiety, dreams, funny, humor, pooping, satire, whooping
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F.A.Q. The epiglottis
Q. What is an epiglottis? A. Excuse me, but did you not see the signs? Q. You mean the signs that say the end of the world is at hand and/or foot? A. No, the signs that say this line … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, epiglottis, Fu Manchu, funny, hairless, satire, zany
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Blowing Uncle Bob
A loud crashing noise from the kitchen. Something on the level of a rusted VW microbus hurled against the side of the house by a Visigoth catapult. I rush to the bottom of the stairway and holler “Anyone hurt up … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, E.D.Begone, funny, reality, satire, womb room, zany
2 Comments
Bingo, Bango, Bongo
Today in “The Fundamentals of Being,” we discuss the age-old question “What if Mr. Peanut got fired?” Hands? Jimmy: He’d have to turn in his monocle, top hat, spats and cane, right? Bob: What a kick in the nuts. L-o-l-a … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, being, Mr. Peanut, Orcs, Peanutski
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Mistaken for Mr. Peanut
I think we all agree that a scary percentage of the 320 million people in the United States are what may charitably be called “one quack short of a duck.” Uncharitable bastards, however, still insist on labeling them “one duck … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged cylon, duck, funny, humor, Mr. Peanut, nutjob, quack, satire
6 Comments
a hint of light 