Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
The trousers of regret
I feel the need to talk about pants. When speaking of pants, one might talk about the color, the material or the zipper. One might even fall into a discussion about when it’s vital to wear pants, or when it’s … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, humor, Latin, pants, Spanish Inquisition, zany
6 Comments
Exciting news: my speaking fee reduced $25k
Please pass this news along to your alleged friends, your imaginary buddies in high places and all those blowhard relatives who say they know somebody who knows somebody who could maybe get you a backstage pass to the next Air … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, parody, satire, zany
74 Comments
Quick idiot check (slow idiots also welcome)
Often you hear the phrase “Stop acting like an idiot,” or “You sound like an idiot,” or “You look like an idiot.” If you’re not an idiot then these phrases serve as friendly warning signs that you may be drifting … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, humor, idiot, moron, zany
1 Comment
Wisdom without wis is just dom
Any guru will tell you that wisdom begins with your rummaging through the front hall closet of your brain, searching for a particular piece of junk but stumbling over something completely unexpected and going “Hmmm.” If that statement doesn’t speak … Continue reading
Posted in News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged funny, humor, satire, wingtips, wisdom
2 Comments
Being Perfict
Friends, we must stop our mad obsession with perfection. Because, let’s face it: we all have moments when we’re neither the whitest shorts in the basket nor the sharpest knife at the crime scene. A tiny example: let’s say that … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged funny, perfection, writing, zany
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Monetize this
In the old days, the really old days when men were men and Tyrannosaurus Rex ate them like jelly beans, they had no credit cards. They had no money at all, not even pocket change. They didn’t even have pockets. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged belly buttons, blogging, monetize, zany
2 Comments
F.A.Q. How to sell your personal papers
Q. I see where Tom Wolfe sold his papers to the New York Public Library. I have a stack of old papers for lining the bottom of the bird cage. I haven’t needed them since my parrot ran off with … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged Conan, F.A.Q., parrot, satire, Tom Wolfe, zany
3 Comments
a hint of light 