Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: satire
Foldos in the wallet
A split second before I hit the mute button, a voice on our flat screen said “Are you asking the right questions about how your wealth is managed?” I was raised to be polite, so instead of snarling “Go to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged chaff, fructose, funny, genii, humor, jonnii, K-Mac, love, satire, zany
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Blecchh!
I don’t usually write about mayonnaise. It’s a serious failing and probably what’s kept me from winning a MacArthur genius grant, or the prestigious “I’m more humble than you” competition. But a lot of people just don’t like mayonnaise. Many … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, blecchh!, funny, humor, mayo, satire, zany
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Smelling the end zone
Baseball season has ended with a melancholy whiff, and football season is upon us like a grand piano falling eight floors onto a poodle. Let’s see that again Bob. Ooh. That’s gonna leave a stain. Let’s see that again, Bob… … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, balls, baseball, end zone, football, funny, satire, zany
2 Comments
Canasta on Mars
Yo, they’ve discovered water on Mars. I know. You may not give a hoot (in spite of our moral obligation to give hoots when hootful events occur. “Water discovered on Mars” is just a step above “Meteor bounces off Trump’s … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged funny, horses, Mars, meatball, Native Martians, proc, satire, Stockholm, zany
2 Comments
To shove a pretzel rod
Recently, a psychologist-to-be-named later published excerpts from diaries kept by teens into their adulthood. His point: with a little love and/or support people can change their destiny. Here are two of the most interesting excerpts: Diary entry page of teen … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged dead ferret, funny, humor, pickle, pogo stick, satire, zany
2 Comments
Frequently Asked Questions: Butt dialing
Q. You keep talking about butt dialing. What does that mean? A. Sometimes when you sit down with your smart phone in your back pocket, the weight of your butt pressing against your key pad inadvertently activates a phone number. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bongo drums, butt dialing, funny, humor, satire
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Naked Trojans
Somewhere between Pittsburgh and Columbus, K-Mac looked out the window and said “Is that a dead armadillo?” My reply: “I don’t think they have armadillos in Pennsylvania.” “Maybe it wasn’t an armadillo,” she said. “Or,” I theorized, “maybe they only … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, armadillo, mortimerism, mrglph, Nudnik, satire, Socmeister, zany
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a hint of light 