Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: satire
The glib and the easy
I am here today to speak about word abuse. If you’re looking for the nerd abuse talk, that’s over in Dorkmunder Hall. So. Words, as most of us know, are those odd sticks and circles and bendy-twisty scratchings we see … Continue reading
Frequently Given Answers
Given the astounding popularity of my award-winning* series of Frequently Asked Questions, I am starting today a revolutionary new service. Most of us don’t need the stupid questions. We need the stupid answers. F.G.A. A. I don’t have it. A. … Continue reading
Loudly silently.
Profound thought: whether brown of skin, agility of limb or invisibility of hair, we humans are all basically the same. I have drawn this stunning conclusion based on a careful review of my regular habits and exquisite moves and I … Continue reading
A hole in the shrink rap
A writer creates realistic fictional characters by asking “What do they want? What are they willing to do to get it?” In reality–much like fiction, but not as real–one already knows this. Example: you want happiness, and to get it … Continue reading
Blurred boundaries
Tompkins said “We’re gonna be late for the meeting.” Lulu, behind the wheel and behind schedule, swung the car sharply to the left, away from the long line of backed up traffic. Riding shotgun, Tubby Tompkins threw her a questioning … Continue reading
Out of the suds
If you’re in a bar long enough, minding your own boozness, some guy inevitably sits down next to you and asks what you do for a living. If you say refrigerator repair, the guy says something like “I tried that … Continue reading
The news from Binghamton, 1968
A black morning. Early. Very way too. Black. Muggy. Rainy. Early. Early. Day two of 26-year career. The newspaperman gig. Already looking hard. Very way too. Muted Hi to some Notre Dame guy doing the early morning cops rounds for … Continue reading
a hint of light 