Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: zany
Sign on White House fence
Attention IM-buh-sill Apparently the voices in your head have told you to climb over this fence to get into the White House so you can: a. use the throne b. check out the blue room to see if it’s really … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, farouk, funny, humor, satire, Secret Service, White House, zany
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My Mommy said not to put beans in my ears
Let’s say you have a headache caused by facing up to the folly of your life, vis a vis stubbornly clinging to the fantasy of getting rich, famous and relatively beloved by even non-relatives before deadness reduces you to a … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged commas, grammar, humor, idiots, satire, zany
8 Comments
After only two beers
One day about 40,000 years ago, just after homo-doofus took delivery of a new, sleeker forehead and a lifetime supply of some serious sapiens (Say SOPPY-ends), he heard a knock on his cave. It was the new guy from the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, handshake, humor, satire, zany
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Frequently Asked Questions about T.M.I.
Q. What is T.M.I.? A. Can you be more specific? Q. T as in tee, M as in eminem, I as in eye. A. You mock me. Q. No. It’s just that people keep saying “Dude, that’s TMI.” What does … Continue reading
Posted in F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged funny, Golden Rule, humor, satire, TMI, zany
6 Comments
When she is ten times better at it
You’ve seen it happen again and again. Someone throws a fish to a seal, he goes “Ork ork,” catches it in his mouth, swallows it and comes back for another. Yet if somebody throws a fish to a man, it … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged balls, fish, funny, humor, satire, seal, Zamboni, zany
5 Comments
Apostles playing shuffleboard
Persuaded by several factors, I decided to sell my Nobel Prize (NOZE). Factor One: I’d gotten all the glory I was ever going to get from it. My wife was proud, but she wasn’t going to get up every day … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged funny, Haiku, Last Supper, NOZE, satire, stink bug, walleye, zany
2 Comments
Irish in the powder room
At a party last week, I ducked into the powder room because I do unannounced freelance inspections on behalf of one of the bigger gunpowder companies. Fortunately, it was unoccupied at the time. It’s sooooo much easier that way. I … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged banjo, funny, humor, Jiminy Cricket, religious, Rob Roy, satire, zany
6 Comments
a hint of light 