Questions that bother me so.*

So. Here’s a question. So, why do so many people, from age zero, up to but not including age geezer, begin every comment, every question, every answer to every question with the word so?

So. See?
So. No seeum.
So. You haven’t noticed?
So. No. So?
So. Just saying. Or soing, if you will.
So. If I will what?
So. If you will say so.
So. So? I don’t get it.
So. (Sigh) Sad.

So. How was your dinner?
So. The Cous-cous? So-so.
So. Should have tried the Mahi Mahi.
So. Or cheeburger cheeburger with foo-foos.

So. Go, my son, and sin no more. Or not so much, anyway. So. In the meantime say 158 Hail Marys. In Russian. So there, Sinbad.

So. Can you sew?
So. Si.
So. Sew my sock?
So. Say what?
So. No, sew what.
So. Sew what?
So. See my sock? Sew it.
So. See that see-saw, Sonny?
So. Is that Sue from the Soo sewing on the see-saw?
So. That’s see-saw Margery Daw you simple so and so
So. So and so?
So. And so, etcetera etcetera.
So. So you win. And you suck. And suck, etcetera etsuckera

So. What are you supposed to do when a truck pulls in front of you on the highway bearing a sign “work vehicle do not follow?”

a.) So. Pull off on the shoulder and hope no one saw you following the truck.

b.)  So. Pull out and pass the truck and shout “You suck!” as you go by. Hand signals optional.

c.) So. Fire forward torpedo tube, blow all tanks and immediately dive.

d.) So. Continue saying the rosary and thank God you’re a more thoughtful, charitable and all around better human being than the sucking suckhead sucking ahead of you.

e.) So. Come to a full stop and text the New York Times. Wait for reporter to show up and lay out the full scandal with colorful quotes. At the same time, call a wrecker (or several) to clear the chain reaction rear-enders you caused.

So. Have you noticed that the rich and the poor have something very important in common? Money is no object to either of them. Yet, ironically—wait for it—it’s still the subject to both of them. So. Can someone please run with this and solve humanity’s problems?

So. I am soooo tired of writers writing “wait for it.” As if waiting for it is somehow a joke. Or easy. I’ve been waiting a long time for it and do you see me laughing? I don’t even know what it looks like. So—wait for it—eat my wrinkled pantaloons.

So. The world’s oldest person keeps dying. Shouldn’t somebody do something? So. Maybe get Congress to fund a study?

So. Did you see where doctors let some guy play his guitar while they performed surgery on his brain? By the time the surgery was over, the guy could play the banjo. Luckily someone reported the doc to the American Medical Association, and they promptly revoked his license.

So. What are you supposed to do if you sit on your cell phone and unwittingly butt-dial yourself–and the line is busy? So. Do you leave a message? Do you stop screwing around and get a job? Do you have a long talk with your stupid butt?

*So. Actually they bother Jimmy Buffet more than me.(Remember when he went to Paris, looking for answers?)

So.©Patrick A. McGuire and A Hint of Light 2013-2015, all rights reserved.

This entry was posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of) and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Questions that bother me so.*

  1. roseannadana says:

    you totally nailed it…so…what’s new?


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