Q. What is going on?
A. Can you be more specific?
Q. What is GOING ON?
A. Ah. Good question. Now, do you mean what’s GOING ON here or there?
A. Look, this is a licensed FAQ station staffed by professionals. We have no time for insincere questions. We work hard to find out what’s going on both here and there to help people find the meaning of life and death — although we get more questions about the former, because the latter is a bit of a moot point.
Q. How about THERE.
A. That’s better. When you say there, as in what’s GOING ON THERE, where exactly — in the context of there as opposed to here — do you mean?
Q. OVER THERE.
A. You mean OVER THERE, as opposed to UNDER THERE? Or even UNDERWEAR? (Sorry. Couldn’t resist.)
Q. I thought you were PROFESSIONALS.
A. Please accept our apologies. That rude FAQer has been excoriated from a large-caliber excoriater for violating the FAQ code: “We shall answer questions without stooping to words like underwear or phlegm – with obvious exceptions, the main one being if someone asks what is phlegm doing on my underwear?”
Q. You’re the same guy I was just talking to, aren’t you?
A. So, to recap, I understand you’re trying to find out what’s going on over there. Is that right?
Q. What is right?
A. Strictly speaking, right is the opposite of wrong.
Q. Wrong. What about left?
A. A common question. Do you mean left as in “The Left,” meaning commie liberals? (As opposed to “The Right,” meaning commie fascists?) Or do you mean left as in turning left (after using your turn signal, it goes without saying)? Finally, do you perhaps mean left as in leftovers? And if so, do you mean leftovers there or leftovers here? Or, dare I say it, leftover underwear?
Q. What is leftover underwear?
A. After an orgy it’s not unusual for those involved to be so naked and guilt ridden that they quickly grab their hastily discarded clothing items and hop around on one foot trying to pull on socks and leather pants to skedaddle before their parents or children come home. Orgy cleanup crews often come across what has become known in orgy circles as “articles of leftover underwear,” (not to be confused with Articles of Confederation.) Technically, leftover is a misnomer. They are, in fact, left behind underwear.
Q. Do they ever find right behind underwear?
A. Every now and then, although sometimes, every other now and then.
Q. Is what is going on, going on now or then?
A. Our then master has left for the day. I can only assist you with the now.
Q. How now, brown cow?
A. Sorry. That is classified and, thus, a moo point.
Q. What is going on here?
A. I thought you wanted to know what is going on there.
Q. I did. But you continually wander off topic and keep going on and on.
A. And on and on is not on, is that your complaint?
Q. Is it?
A. Can you be more specific about it?
Q. Only that I can’t take it. I’m going on now.
A. Can you be more specific? Are you going on now as in now? Or now as in a minute or so? Which makes now, as in now, then. And our then master is gone. So there (as opposed to here.)
©Patrick A. McGuire and A Hint of Light 2013-2016, all rights reserved.
My condolences to K-Mac.
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What John said…