Hackers have leaked a TOP SECRET transcript between a noted psychobabylonian and the POTUS. If you read it, expect a visit from the FBI.

Dr. Pepperoncini: You have come to Pepperoncini because you have a problem.
POTUS: You are such a liar. You are such a liar. I don’t have a problem. You know who has a problem? I don’t have a problem. You have a problem.

Dr. Pepperoncini: Me?
POTUS: And you’d better solve it right away or do you know what’s going to happen?

Dr. Pepperoncini: You’re going to leave without paying?
POTUS: I’m calling Putin.

Dr. Pepperoncini: Hmm. Did your mother not hug you when you were a little boy?
POTUS: That is a media lie. I was never a little boy. I was always a big boy. A lovely child. Very lovely. One of the loveliest ever.

Dr. Pepperoncini: With big hair.
POTUS: Lovely big hair. Lovely. And yes, I got hugs. I got so many hugs, I got more hugs than any big boy ever. Look it up in the Guinness Book of Stout.

Dr. Pepperoncini: Why have you come to see Pepperoncini?
POTUS: Because the carnage needs to stop. Right here. Right now.

Dr. Pepperoncini: What carnage?
POTUS: Putin could tell you about carnage. He could tell you about carnage. Lovely carnage. Unbelievable carnage.

Dr. Pepperoncini: But you are not this…Putin?
POTUS: Another media lie. I am not Putin. I am not Putin. You know how you can tell the difference between Putin and me?

Dr. Pepperoncini: He doesn’t repeat himself so much?
POTUS: I’m wearing a shirt.

Dr. Pepperoncini: Ah.
POTUS: It’s a beautiful shirt. A very beautiful shirt. I made this shirt. No lie. I don’t lie. This very shirt. Last night. Very beautiful.

Dr. Pepperoncini: And this Putin. He has no shirt?
POTUS: Another media lie. Such a big lie. He has a horse. A brownish horse. So brownish.

Dr. Pepperoncini: And do you have a horse?
POTUS: If I wanted a horse I could snap my fingers and I would have a horse standing right here. Now. In this room. Don’t worry, I’d have a man with a broom, just in case… And it would be an expensive broom. Very expensive. I am wealthy, you know. Very wealthy. So wealthy.

Dr. Pepperoncini: And this man with the broom. Would he have health insurance?
POTUS: His state would get a block grant and if they wanted him to have insurance, he’d have insurance. Beautiful insurance. So much insurance. And don’t forget: a very nice broom. Very.

Dr. Pepperoncini: So how will you solve your problem?
POTUS: I’m issuing a new decree to be heard in every city, in every foreign capital and in every hall of power. From this day forward, a new vision will govern our land. My vision. And I have a very good vision plan. Because I’m wealthy. Very wealthy.

Dr. Pepperoncini: I see our time is almost up.
POTUS: That’s a media lie. The media are the most dishonest people on earth. Nothing but lies. Beautiful lies. Their latest lie: The polar bears are getting heat rash. Iceland is changing it’s name to Arizonadottir. Next year’s summer Olympics will be in Antarctica. I don’t make this stuff up. I don’t need to. I’m wealthy.

Dr. Pepperoncini: Yes, but our hour really is up.
POTUS: That’s okay. I have to go and wall off Mexico with hard shell tacos. From this day forward, We will follow two simple rules: Buy American and fire American. We will bring back our wealth, and we will bring back our horses. Now arrives the hour of action. It should only take an hour. Two, tops. So very tops.

©Patrick A. McGuire and A Hint of Light 2013-2017, all rights reserved.