Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Author Archives: PMcG
Bingo, Bango, Bongo
Today in “The Fundamentals of Being,” we discuss the age-old question “What if Mr. Peanut got fired?” Hands? Jimmy: He’d have to turn in his monocle, top hat, spats and cane, right? Bob: What a kick in the nuts. L-o-l-a … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, being, Mr. Peanut, Orcs, Peanutski
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Mistaken for Mr. Peanut
I think we all agree that a scary percentage of the 320 million people in the United States are what may charitably be called “one quack short of a duck.” Uncharitable bastards, however, still insist on labeling them “one duck … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged cylon, duck, funny, humor, Mr. Peanut, nutjob, quack, satire
6 Comments
A handful of panty hose
As I have noted publicly–while ambidextrously noting privately those who take no note of my noting—I am the honcho of the weekly grocery shopping. In that capacity I get the use of the Honda (sans le conductor backseato,) a black … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged Cart Woman, chocolateless, funny, humor, K-Mac, macaroons, satire
2 Comments
Holding your water
It’s hard to get across to new writers that for all the effort and pain they put into writing their poem, their novel, their hip-hoppery, those brilliant scribbles are nothing but a first draft. I learned the hard way. I … Continue reading
Posted in funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged burro, Innisfree, Kipling, rewrite, satire, Tennyson, tinterns, Wordsworth, zany
2 Comments
OOPS!
Hello from etherland If you’ve already received and/or read this post, you are very special. But because of a technical error, yesterday’s post (Questions Without Answers Without Question) got chewed up in the food processor and was inaccessible to several … Continue reading
Posted in The human comedy
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Questions Without Answers Without Question
• Why do things like antlers and lawn furniture and Swedish meatballs come out your nose when you go into a coughing jag? • Why do they call the Secret Service secret when we already know it’s not a secret? … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, blorking, BOOM, funny, gravity, satire, swedish meatballs
3 Comments
Listen up, you maggots
The Japanese form of poetry known as haiku conveys observations about nature and/or boneheadosity in a 17-syllable verse. Traditionally, haiku are expressed in three non-rhyming lines of five, seven and five syllables. Here is a rare example of an ancient … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged bulges, false nose, funny, Haiku, satire, zany
5 Comments
a hint of light 