Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Author Archives: PMcG
Burbling borscht
As I often do while trying to think up new ways of saying nothing, I anchored my elbow on the arm of my desk chair and, into the splay of my fingers, I rested my chin–which, one might describe (if … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Monsignor, satire, yardstick, zany, zepto chip
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Shaking the sillies out
I held a press conference to announce my candidacy in 2016, but a lot of you weren’t there. Oh, yes, I noticed each and every one of you who didn’t show up, even after I sent all those engraved invitations. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, CM Wangs, funny, humor, ick, prickly, satire, warter wickie
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Run, you peckerwood
Can’t get started on your Great American novel? Don’t despair because A.) It probably won’t be any good anyway. B.) It will never get published and C.) It probably won’t be any good anyway. Still, to avoid writer’s block when … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged fromage, funny, lobotomy, mezzanine, satire, woodpecker
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Wake up and smell
Saw a movie the other night where Denzel Washington demanded kidnappers give him Proof of Life that the person he was trying to ransom was still alive. Still alive. Or as Monty Python would have it “Not quite dead yet.” … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged cremation, doobie, foo foo, funny, humor, satire
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The duck commander
While waiting at a stop sign for further instructions, I started thinking about the presumptions made by the boys and girls down at the highway department. When they decide what goes on a highway sign they presume that we—the un-neutered, … Continue reading
1955 green linoleum
The New York Times interviewed me for a feature on novelists who are unpublished because they aren’t tall. Or, in some cases, because they are too tall. I agreed on the off chance a publisher might see it and say … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, linoleum, Moby Dicked, satire, Spanish Inquisition, Stendahl
6 Comments
F.A.Stupid.Q. What is Redacted?
Q. Journalists complain about documents being redacted. What does that mean? A. The short answer is I can’t tell you Q.Is there a longer answer? A. Maybe. Q. My mother said if I asked politely that you would tell me. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged FAQ, Pete's sake, redacted, Rex Ryan, zany
4 Comments
a hint of light 