Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Author Archives: PMcG
Stoned, as it were
Q. It’s been said ‘You can’t get blood from a stone.’ Why? A. You mean why do people say that? Or why can’t you get blood from a stone? Q. Um… A. Take your time. Actually, it’s my time. But … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, haughty, humor, marmalade, satire, stupid, zany
4 Comments
Pearls before dopes
Note: If reading these haiku1 aloud, try ending each with the word “Grasshopper.” Or not. (Presence of actual grasshopper not necessary.) Pilgrim’s Lack of Progress Once there was no hate only love to soothe the souls of those who had … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, banjo, butt dialing, Dude, mixed nuts, satire, wisdom, zany
2 Comments
Some serious stank
Q. Is hip-hop dead? A. Did you say hip hop? Q. No, I said hip-hop. The hyphen is silent, but it’s there. You can feel it. You can even dance to it. If you don’t feel it you will never … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., hip-hop, humor, satire, stank, zany
3 Comments
First World Problem #782: Dave and the raisins
Q. Do you think Dave is the right person to be in charge of raisins? A. What? Who is Dave? Q. He’s the produce manager down at our supermarket. I thought you would have known that. A. Do you know … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., funny, knock-knock, nutball, parody, sarcasm, satire, zany
3 Comments
Armed diphthongs
Q. I said to my friend “What up dog?” But he didn’t answer me. I said “Dog, what up?” and he said “No comment.” I said “What the firetruck, Dog…” He said “You asked me a rhetorical question and legally … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, colonoscopy, Purple Dotter, rhetorical Q, satire, ticks, torso
3 Comments
Fun with legumes
Q. Big debate in the used-car sales director’s office. Isn’t nothingness the exact opposite of being?A. I get that question a lot. Just the other day a guy in a hardware store asked me if I knew where they kept … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, bean, being, Camus, humor, legume, nothingness, satire
6 Comments
Warning: Squint your eyes
F.A.Q. Irony(ish) Q. What is the difference between ironic and ironical? A. The letters A-L, which is AL. Q. Wouldn’t that be “who” is AL, since AL is a person, not a thing and therefore deserving of a personal pronoun? … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, Jimmy Eat World, salami, satire, torpedo
4 Comments
a hint of light 