Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Absurd and/or zany
Bingo, Bango, Bongo
Today in “The Fundamentals of Being,” we discuss the age-old question “What if Mr. Peanut got fired?” Hands? Jimmy: He’d have to turn in his monocle, top hat, spats and cane, right? Bob: What a kick in the nuts. L-o-l-a … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, being, Mr. Peanut, Orcs, Peanutski
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A handful of panty hose
As I have noted publicly–while ambidextrously noting privately those who take no note of my noting—I am the honcho of the weekly grocery shopping. In that capacity I get the use of the Honda (sans le conductor backseato,) a black … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged Cart Woman, chocolateless, funny, humor, K-Mac, macaroons, satire
2 Comments
Questions Without Answers Without Question
• Why do things like antlers and lawn furniture and Swedish meatballs come out your nose when you go into a coughing jag? • Why do they call the Secret Service secret when we already know it’s not a secret? … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, blorking, BOOM, funny, gravity, satire, swedish meatballs
3 Comments
Listen up, you maggots
The Japanese form of poetry known as haiku conveys observations about nature and/or boneheadosity in a 17-syllable verse. Traditionally, haiku are expressed in three non-rhyming lines of five, seven and five syllables. Here is a rare example of an ancient … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged bulges, false nose, funny, Haiku, satire, zany
5 Comments
Burbling borscht
As I often do while trying to think up new ways of saying nothing, I anchored my elbow on the arm of my desk chair and, into the splay of my fingers, I rested my chin–which, one might describe (if … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Monsignor, satire, yardstick, zany, zepto chip
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Shaking the sillies out
I held a press conference to announce my candidacy in 2016, but a lot of you weren’t there. Oh, yes, I noticed each and every one of you who didn’t show up, even after I sent all those engraved invitations. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, CM Wangs, funny, humor, ick, prickly, satire, warter wickie
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Run, you peckerwood
Can’t get started on your Great American novel? Don’t despair because A.) It probably won’t be any good anyway. B.) It will never get published and C.) It probably won’t be any good anyway. Still, to avoid writer’s block when … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged fromage, funny, lobotomy, mezzanine, satire, woodpecker
6 Comments
a hint of light 