Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Mockery and derision
The Parsippany cutoff
One of the hazards of staffing a Frequently Asked Questions booth is that all too frequently the questions come with such lack of (i.e., im) becility that many of our volunteers suffer breakdowns, some of them automotive in nature, others … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, banjo, gawumpie, humor, Nuggets, satire, trapezoid, zany
7 Comments
Blown dead
Who can deny that we live in an age of gizmotic marvels? You sir? (Security, table three, guy in the chicken suit). The cell phone, the computer, the internet, the cloud, the penile implant, the driverless car, the waterless state, … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged funny, leafblower, satire, zany
2 Comments
A matter of fact
Three facts walk into a bar. One is Cold-Hard Fact, a completely ripped body builder with six-pack abs and a light sheen of Mazola oil. The second is Political Fact, wearing a completely ripped-off shark skin suit with a fin … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, facts, Florsheims, satire, zany
1 Comment
Probing the proboscis
Somewhere out there, the dreaded sirens of “They” are “calling for” flurries. You can almost hear their sing-song “Flurries! Oh flurries! Where are you, flurries?” The skies are somber, the clouds cheeky and contemptuous, the panic of the people palpable, … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, edamame, funny, Peter Piper, satire, zany
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Press this
Please listen carefully as some of our prompts have recently changed. No they haven’t. They’re the same old prompts you always have. Au contraire, mon bozon. These are brand new prompts, fresh from the oven. Try me. These prompts are … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged funny, Nostradamus, prompts, satire, zany
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The diagnosis
Patient X (Not me): When I do the dishes, I tend to think out loud. Dr. Pepperoncini: Never talk to the dishes. Even if they start the conversation. Patient X: Did I say I talked to the dishes? Dr. Pepperoncini: … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged humor, knockwurst, peckerwood, Pepperoncini, satire, zany
2 Comments
Bear unzipped
Two guys are walking down a street in Iowa. To avoid lawsuits, we’ll call them the first guy and the second guy (not their real walking guy order). First guy says “Have you decided who you’re voting for?” “The Idiot,” … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bears, Crackpot, Dopes, funny, humor, satire, zany
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a hint of light 