Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Mockery and derision
FAQ: What is going on?
Q. What is going on? A. Can you be more specific? Q. What is GOING ON? A. Ah. Good question. Now, do you mean what’s GOING ON here or there? Q. YES. A. Look, this is a licensed FAQ station … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, commie fascists, humor, orgy, satire, underwear, zany
2 Comments
Venom and snot
That’s it. No more mister funny guy. No more silly stuff. No more laughs, no more being witty and wry. Not even pumpernickel. From now on I write nothing but sourdough, sauerbraten, sweet and sour sauce, hold the sweet (but … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, humor, Lapland, satire, snot, venom, zany
6 Comments
Loose screws
When I awoke this morning, I glanced at the sports page and discovered I am still mathematically alive. I went to have my blood drawn. The artist on duty suggested water colors because she likes the way they bleed. Out … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, dead horse, funny, Nuggets, satire, snout, whoopie cakes, zany
6 Comments
It’s nothing, really
Scientists have a fairly straight-forward rule. Before they are allowed to make a major announcement (“Hello? Is this thing on? Attention everyone: water is composed of two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen. That is all. Thank you.”) they have to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged Dark Matter, funny, humor, invisible, nothing, satire, zany
2 Comments
Yawning cleavage
If we can pinpoint a single meteor taking a whizz across outer space–and land an entire outlet mall on it–you’d think we could locate a single pen in our homes and not have to write our grocery lists, our MacArthur … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, cleavage, funny, Nantucket, satire, zany
3 Comments
Ask a bluesman
Q. I think I have the blues, but my doctor says it’s just irritable bowel syndrome. A. Is your doctor a bluesman? Q. He’s a gastroenterologist. A. You mean an ologist who enters your gastro works? Q. Not in the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, banjo, Biwabik, blues, funny, humor, satire, stink bug, zany
4 Comments
Foldos in the wallet
A split second before I hit the mute button, a voice on our flat screen said “Are you asking the right questions about how your wealth is managed?” I was raised to be polite, so instead of snarling “Go to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged chaff, fructose, funny, genii, humor, jonnii, K-Mac, love, satire, zany
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a hint of light 