Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Mockery and derision
One strike away
Have you ever started to sing “Somewhere, over the rainbow” but forgot what comes after the? Have you ever started to blow your nose but weren’t paying enough attention because you were reading the New York Times on your device … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, Chiquita, funny, life, Nebuchadanezzer, satire, Snake Glo, zany
3 Comments
On the couch
The other night while watching baseball on the Smart TV, we saw the $80 million pitcher for the visiting team struggling. His cut fastball kept bleeding out; his hairball showed scarcely a follicle; and his trademark sleazeball danced into the … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, balls, hemorrhoids, humor, K-Mac, meatball, satire, zany
2 Comments
A cheap novel
Friends, I am finding it difficult, if not impossible, to attempt to be funny or silly (don’t even think funny and silly) at such a deadly, unfunny period in our American experience. Out there, madness is blooming and being watered … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, f---, funny, K-Mac, mooses, Protestants, satire, zany
2 Comments
FAQ: Without a doubt
Q. My auto mechanic says I have a problem with my rear end. My gastroenterologist says the same thing. My dentist says it’s all in my endo so he sent me to an endodontist. My neighbor says I’ve got my … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, Baloney, doubt, F.A.Q., fake, satire, sneeze, zany
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The p is silent
Waiting requires patience. Patience requires sainthood. Sainthood requires a death certificate. Okay, we’re back live and still waiting. Look, everybody has to wait on something every day and nobody likes it except those offering it up for the souls in … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision
2 Comments
A little secret
Have you ever found yourself running down the dream and suddenly realized you’d lost your self-awareness? The answer is no, because, if so, you’d be self-aware and already know you’d lost it. See how that works? (The key there is … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, art, death sucks, deindividuation, Guelph, life sucks, satire, suck, zany
2 Comments
Full disclosure
Are you a denier? If you’re not a denier and someone says you’re a denier and you deny it, does your lobotomy scar start to throb? Is it possible you’re in denial? Is it even possible you’ve misspelled your way … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bears, gluten, humor, idiot, satire, X-files, zany
4 Comments
a hint of light 