Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tickling the grizzly. Briefly. Very briefly.
How long should a story be? Did someone say “Just long enough?” Well, maybe in the old days, when attention spans were measured in furlongs. But somewhere along the space-time continuum, our attention spans shrunk down to the length of … Continue reading
FAQ: Limbo
Q. What is limbo? A. Limbo is a state where the recently gone go when the lines at heaven, hell and purgatory are backed up more than a mile. Think of it as spiritual overflow parking. Q. So which state … Continue reading
The six telltale signs of a whiner
Are you at the end of your rope because your mewling loved one causes such mental burping that you consider putting your head in the microwave oven on the burnt popcorn setting? But you don’t because you can’t close the … Continue reading
The glib and the easy
I am here today to speak about word abuse. If you’re looking for the nerd abuse talk, that’s over in Dorkmunder Hall. So. Words, as most of us know, are those odd sticks and circles and bendy-twisty scratchings we see … Continue reading
Frequently Given Answers
Given the astounding popularity of my award-winning* series of Frequently Asked Questions, I am starting today a revolutionary new service. Most of us don’t need the stupid questions. We need the stupid answers. F.G.A. A. I don’t have it. A. … Continue reading
Loudly silently.
Profound thought: whether brown of skin, agility of limb or invisibility of hair, we humans are all basically the same. I have drawn this stunning conclusion based on a careful review of my regular habits and exquisite moves and I … Continue reading
A hole in the shrink rap
A writer creates realistic fictional characters by asking “What do they want? What are they willing to do to get it?” In reality–much like fiction, but not as real–one already knows this. Example: you want happiness, and to get it … Continue reading
a hint of light 