Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: The human comedy
Probing the proboscis
Somewhere out there, the dreaded sirens of “They” are “calling for” flurries. You can almost hear their sing-song “Flurries! Oh flurries! Where are you, flurries?” The skies are somber, the clouds cheeky and contemptuous, the panic of the people palpable, … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, edamame, funny, Peter Piper, satire, zany
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Before I bite your neck
We use clichés everyday, usually without any idea of where or how a certain phrase originated. We blissfully claim to have had “More fun than a barrel of monkeys.” We warn “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.” We … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, funny, nudist, rutabaga, satire, zany, Zarathustra.
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Press this
Please listen carefully as some of our prompts have recently changed. No they haven’t. They’re the same old prompts you always have. Au contraire, mon bozon. These are brand new prompts, fresh from the oven. Try me. These prompts are … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged funny, Nostradamus, prompts, satire, zany
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How to open an English muffin
Step 1. Get an English muffin. Now. Step 2. Stand near a window so you can see what you’re doing. Make sure you are decent. Step 3. Hold the muffin in one hand by its edges and gaze upon it … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, humor, intestine, K-Mac, muffin, satire, sausage, zany
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Sweating like a pig
Note: This post may be monitored by government agents (travel) for training purposes. Note: In the interests of transparency, transgenderparency and Saran Wrapency, the purpose of the above stated training is to make sure that the travel agents being trained … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, funny, grammar lady, guano, iguana, methane, satire
6 Comments
Random acts of eat-my-shorts
DO YOU SUPPOSE the Greeks might have done better in their bailout negotiations if they had been wearing ties? They just looked so informal and rascally in their suit jackets, their white business shirts and those open collars. Like Nicolas … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, baseball, funny, K-Mac, nudnicking, satire, toad, toenails
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Designate this
Psychiatrists have finally recognized Baseball Player Personality Disorder–sometimes known as On the Schneid Syndrome. In “The Sabermetrics of Stinking Up The Stadium,” Dr. Ferris Wheeler states that, next to striking out while being intentionally walked, the most painful moment in … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, baseball, Blue Wahoos, funny, gnome, humor, satire, therapist, waivers
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a hint of light 