Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: absurd
Keep it zipped
We tend to think of philosophers as the only people who can understand the essential truths of life such as Being, or Nothingness, or What Being In This House Left Nothingness In The Bag Of Donuts I Bought For Breakfast? … Continue reading
Posted in Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, beer, diddly squat, philosophy, satire, zany, zip
10 Comments
Banjo tuner’s nightmare
Banjo tuner: Sorry I’m late for the tuning. Banjo tunee: I thought it was tomorrow. Banjo tuner: I have it marked down for today. Banjo tunee: Well, on my Smart Calendar it’s written in for tomorrow. Banjo tuner: Yes, but … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, anxiety, dreams, frog, funny, ribit, satire, tea cozy, zany
1 Comment
Oh no
I was doing the dishes after supper — doing an outstanding job by the way — when K-Mac asked “Where did you learn to wash dishes?” “I’m self taught,” I replied, using a steak knife like an ice pick to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, auto-didact, funny, Grant's tomb, Haiku, K-Mac, oh, satire, zany
3 Comments
Fake news blues
Having worked for decades as a newsman, I am distressed to find that news has been supplanted by fake news (in some states, supplanted beneath turnips.) Perhaps worse, people tend to believe fake news more than the non-fake (aka real) … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, ducks, fake news, newsman, satire, turnips, zany
1 Comment
The crawfish pie guy
In the old days, a tough question at a job interview might be “How many murders have you committed?” Or “If we hire you, will you murder any of us? Specifically, um, me?” But today’s employers have gotten creative in … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, everclear, humor, lima bean, penguin, satire, uffda, walleye, WTP, zany
2 Comments
Rrrrrrrappahannock!
In Poker, they are called Tells. Little tics of character that a player inadvertently reveals about the cards in his hand — all the while convinced that his poker face gives away nothing. Sometimes we do the same in the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, power chords, Rappahannock, satire, Shinola, zany
2 Comments
Pronouns of the Apocalypse
Q. Can I ask you something in confidence? A. In confidence of what? Q. In confidence you’ll keep it to yourself. A. Hmm. A very unfrequently asked question here at the F.A.Q. card table. Let me think about it. Q. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, pronouns, satire, zany
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a hint of light 