Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: absurd
Loose screws
When I awoke this morning, I glanced at the sports page and discovered I am still mathematically alive. I went to have my blood drawn. The artist on duty suggested water colors because she likes the way they bleed. Out … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, dead horse, funny, Nuggets, satire, snout, whoopie cakes, zany
6 Comments
Yawning cleavage
If we can pinpoint a single meteor taking a whizz across outer space–and land an entire outlet mall on it–you’d think we could locate a single pen in our homes and not have to write our grocery lists, our MacArthur … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, cleavage, funny, Nantucket, satire, zany
3 Comments
The 5 Biggest Myths about Thanksgiving
1. The Indians arrived in a Plymouth. A very common misconception. In fact, The Puritans sailed from England in The Mayflower, which hit a large rock just off Massachusetts. It sank within sight of the Cape Cod Plymouth dealership. Because … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged absurd, humor, Indians, satire, Thanksgiving, turkey, zany
3 Comments
FAQ: Huge Bug
Q.Whenever X—(not her real initial) sees a bug on the ceiling she says “Ooh, there’s a bug on the ceiling.” That means I’m supposed to kill it or talk it into leaving right this minute, mister. But the bug-fearing little … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bible thumpers, bolo knife, bugs, funny, humor, Pearly Gates, satire
6 Comments
What gall
While standing in the prescription line at the pharmacy, I often get restless and fidgety. I tend to buzz or vibrate, even levitate, all while giving off a tuneless whistling sound. I look desperately around for some distraction to take … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, aliens, app, funny, gall, humor, satire, UFO
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Ask a bluesman
Q. I think I have the blues, but my doctor says it’s just irritable bowel syndrome. A. Is your doctor a bluesman? Q. He’s a gastroenterologist. A. You mean an ologist who enters your gastro works? Q. Not in the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, banjo, Biwabik, blues, funny, humor, satire, stink bug, zany
4 Comments
Blecchh!
I don’t usually write about mayonnaise. It’s a serious failing and probably what’s kept me from winning a MacArthur genius grant, or the prestigious “I’m more humble than you” competition. But a lot of people just don’t like mayonnaise. Many … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, blecchh!, funny, humor, mayo, satire, zany
6 Comments
a hint of light 