Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: absurd
Questions Without Answers Without Question
• Why do things like antlers and lawn furniture and Swedish meatballs come out your nose when you go into a coughing jag? • Why do they call the Secret Service secret when we already know it’s not a secret? … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, blorking, BOOM, funny, gravity, satire, swedish meatballs
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Burbling borscht
As I often do while trying to think up new ways of saying nothing, I anchored my elbow on the arm of my desk chair and, into the splay of my fingers, I rested my chin–which, one might describe (if … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, Monsignor, satire, yardstick, zany, zepto chip
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Shaking the sillies out
I held a press conference to announce my candidacy in 2016, but a lot of you weren’t there. Oh, yes, I noticed each and every one of you who didn’t show up, even after I sent all those engraved invitations. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, CM Wangs, funny, humor, ick, prickly, satire, warter wickie
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The duck commander
While waiting at a stop sign for further instructions, I started thinking about the presumptions made by the boys and girls down at the highway department. When they decide what goes on a highway sign they presume that we—the un-neutered, … Continue reading
1955 green linoleum
The New York Times interviewed me for a feature on novelists who are unpublished because they aren’t tall. Or, in some cases, because they are too tall. I agreed on the off chance a publisher might see it and say … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, linoleum, Moby Dicked, satire, Spanish Inquisition, Stendahl
6 Comments
Sign on White House fence
Attention IM-buh-sill Apparently the voices in your head have told you to climb over this fence to get into the White House so you can: a. use the throne b. check out the blue room to see if it’s really … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, farouk, funny, humor, satire, Secret Service, White House, zany
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After only two beers
One day about 40,000 years ago, just after homo-doofus took delivery of a new, sleeker forehead and a lifetime supply of some serious sapiens (Say SOPPY-ends), he heard a knock on his cave. It was the new guy from the … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, handshake, humor, satire, zany
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a hint of light 