Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: banjo
Irish in the powder room
At a party last week, I ducked into the powder room because I do unannounced freelance inspections on behalf of one of the bigger gunpowder companies. Fortunately, it was unoccupied at the time. It’s sooooo much easier that way. I … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged banjo, funny, humor, Jiminy Cricket, religious, Rob Roy, satire, zany
6 Comments
Behind the mayonnaise
Memo to self: • Get a Nobel Peace Prize. Use it to attract banjo students. • Work up an act and go on the road. Leave act behind. • Become a genius. Tweet the word. Score a MacArthur genius grant. … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged banjo, funny, satire, the strike zone, zany
16 Comments
Better warn Buzz
Years ago, when I was a mortal man, I was sent to interview Rickey Henderson on the eve of his breaking the record for stolen bases in a single season. A sports writer for a rival paper had the same … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, banjo, funny, IBS, satire, zany
5 Comments
Ten years in a fruit salad
Football players who get their bell rung have to pass a concussion test before they are allowed to play again. It’s a difficult test with both a verbal and math component. They also must write an essay on ‘Why in … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, banjo, commas, funny, IBS, igalixpoo, satire, writing, zany
7 Comments
I, Stinkbug
This morning I discovered a tiny manuscript on the windowsill behind the draperies in our master bedroom. Beside it, the rigid body of a stinkbug. By Maryland law, all unattended deaths of stinkbugs must be reported to the police and … Continue reading
Fish story No. 1
Our man is invited on an all-expenses paid fishing trip to the deepest reaches of northwestern Ontario. Exclusive lodge in the middle of nowhere, accessible only by float plane. Four star accommodations including maid service in actual buildings—no tents, no … Continue reading
a hint of light 