Tag Archives: banjo

Irish in the powder room

At a party last week, I ducked into the powder room because I do unannounced freelance inspections on behalf of one of the bigger gunpowder companies. Fortunately, it was unoccupied at the time. It’s sooooo much easier that way. I … Continue reading

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Behind the mayonnaise

Memo to self: • Get a Nobel Peace Prize. Use it to attract banjo students. • Work up an act and go on the road. Leave act behind. • Become a genius. Tweet the word. Score a MacArthur genius grant. … Continue reading

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Better warn Buzz

Years ago, when I was a mortal man, I was sent to interview Rickey Henderson on the eve of his breaking the record for stolen bases in a single season. A sports writer for a rival paper had the same … Continue reading

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Ten years in a fruit salad

Football players who get their bell rung have to pass a concussion test before they are allowed to play again. It’s a difficult test with both a verbal and math component. They also must write an essay on ‘Why in … Continue reading

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I, Stinkbug

This morning I discovered a tiny manuscript on the windowsill behind the draperies in our master bedroom. Beside it, the rigid body of a stinkbug. By Maryland law, all unattended deaths of stinkbugs must be reported to the police and … Continue reading

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Earl Scruggs and the metaphysics nightmare

Patient X: Doc, I had a bad dream. Dr. Pepperoncini: Oh? When? Patient X: When I was asleep. Dr. Pepperoncini: Hmm. What was it about? Patient X: The dream? Dr. Pepperoncini: Yes, the dream. Patient X: Um, about five minutes. … Continue reading

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Fish story No. 1

Our man is invited on an all-expenses paid fishing trip to the deepest reaches of northwestern Ontario. Exclusive lodge in the middle of nowhere, accessible only by float plane. Four star accommodations including maid service in actual buildings—no tents, no … Continue reading

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