Tag Archives: banjo

Better warn Buzz

Years ago, when I was a mortal man, I was sent to interview Rickey Henderson on the eve of his breaking the record for stolen bases in a single season. A sports writer for a rival paper had the same … Continue reading

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments

Ten years in a fruit salad

Football players who get their bell rung have to pass a concussion test before they are allowed to play again. It’s a difficult test with both a verbal and math component. They also must write an essay on ‘Why in … Continue reading

Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of) | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

I, Stinkbug

This morning I discovered a tiny manuscript on the windowsill behind the draperies in our master bedroom. Beside it, the rigid body of a stinkbug. By Maryland law, all unattended deaths of stinkbugs must be reported to the police and … Continue reading

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Earl Scruggs and the metaphysics nightmare

Patient X: Doc, I had a bad dream. Dr. Pepperoncini: Oh? When? Patient X: When I was asleep. Dr. Pepperoncini: Hmm. What was it about? Patient X: The dream? Dr. Pepperoncini: Yes, the dream. Patient X: Um, about five minutes. … Continue reading

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Fish story No. 1

Our man is invited on an all-expenses paid fishing trip to the deepest reaches of northwestern Ontario. Exclusive lodge in the middle of nowhere, accessible only by float plane. Four star accommodations including maid service in actual buildings—no tents, no … Continue reading

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F.A.Q. The Elevator Speech

Q. What exactly is an elevator speech?  A. Imagine you step onto an elevator and find yourself standing next to the Big Garbanzo Bean of the company you’re dying to work for. In the next 30 seconds, before the elevator … Continue reading

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Speed bumpery

After spending my non-adult life as a kid, I wanted to so something non-adult as an adult. I wanted to be a musician, a comedian, an actor. The nuns said oh no you’re not, mister. You’re going to be a … Continue reading

Posted in Scribe v. Pharisees, The human comedy | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments