Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: funny
Oh no
I was doing the dishes after supper — doing an outstanding job by the way — when K-Mac asked “Where did you learn to wash dishes?” “I’m self taught,” I replied, using a steak knife like an ice pick to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, auto-didact, funny, Grant's tomb, Haiku, K-Mac, oh, satire, zany
3 Comments
Corrugated poop
Over at The Mental Couch, the big outlet where shrinks get their furniture and rubber-room fixtures, they also sell colorful, washable placemats that list all mental disorders. You’ll find Nuts, Half-Nuts, Nut Boy, Nut Meg, Donna, Astrid, etc. A perfect … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, funny, goddammitly, goulash, Nee-nu-na-na, satire, zany
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Rearranging the donuts
Ever been to one of those pricey writer’s workshops held in the mountains, or the prairies or the oceans, white with some sort of foaming ick? You’ll hear bestselling authors giving out all sorts of advice on how to write … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, donuts, funny, satire, sigmoidoscopy, zany
6 Comments
The really sick part
We sat on the sofa, K-Mac and I, watching a talking cookie on the Smart TV try to persuade us that cookies know how to talk and that they have kids and dogs and mortgages and pickup trucks and hopes … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, donut vape, funny, humor, igalixpoo, satire, zany
2 Comments
A common geezer mistake
Ladies and gentlemen, today we are launching an internal investigation into the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident. As you know, it has ruined the lives of several innocent and, frankly, very attractive sheep. It has also prompted some of our … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged absurd, boobulah, catapulting, funny, satire, sheep dip, zany
3 Comments
F.A.Q. Adventures in feasing
Q. What is malfeasance? A. Technically, it’s the act of feasing someone named Mal. Not to be confused with Melfeasance. Q. Why not? A. Mel doesn’t like to interact with anybody else’s fease. Q. Wouldn’t that fall under the category … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.E.A.S.E., funny, GIT-foo, humor, satire, zany
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The banger and the bun
My brother-in-law lives in one of those exclusive grated communities. Every other week huge trucks with tires as tall as a Donald Trump tale unload a small mountain of grated romano or parmesan cheese in the parking lot next to … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy, Uncategorized
Tagged absurd, banger, buns, funny, satire, sausage, walrus, zany
3 Comments
a hint of light 