Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: satire
Attention: people in white coats
A bear walks into a bar… Okay, hold it right there… I don’t know about you, but it’s been quite a while since a bear last walked into a bar in my town. Some blame it on the liberals, those … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, nazi bastards, oddball patrons, satire, tutus, zany, zombie
2 Comments
Rawt Ro
Owner: What do you want? Can’t you see I’m thinking? Ownee: Here I am, standing at attention, my head cocked at an adorable angle, awaiting your command. By the way, if you happen to have an old, unused treat hanging … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Dogs I Have Known, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, funny, hairbag, parody, rawt ro, satire, slobber, zany
2 Comments
Stoned, as it were
Q. It’s been said ‘You can’t get blood from a stone.’ Why? A. You mean why do people say that? Or why can’t you get blood from a stone? Q. Um… A. Take your time. Actually, it’s my time. But … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, haughty, humor, marmalade, satire, stupid, zany
4 Comments
Pearls before dopes
Note: If reading these haiku1 aloud, try ending each with the word “Grasshopper.” Or not. (Presence of actual grasshopper not necessary.) Pilgrim’s Lack of Progress Once there was no hate only love to soothe the souls of those who had … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, banjo, butt dialing, Dude, mixed nuts, satire, wisdom, zany
2 Comments
Some serious stank
Q. Is hip-hop dead? A. Did you say hip hop? Q. No, I said hip-hop. The hyphen is silent, but it’s there. You can feel it. You can even dance to it. If you don’t feel it you will never … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., hip-hop, humor, satire, stank, zany
3 Comments
First World Problem #782: Dave and the raisins
Q. Do you think Dave is the right person to be in charge of raisins? A. What? Who is Dave? Q. He’s the produce manager down at our supermarket. I thought you would have known that. A. Do you know … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., funny, knock-knock, nutball, parody, sarcasm, satire, zany
3 Comments
Armed diphthongs
Q. I said to my friend “What up dog?” But he didn’t answer me. I said “Dog, what up?” and he said “No comment.” I said “What the firetruck, Dog…” He said “You asked me a rhetorical question and legally … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, colonoscopy, Purple Dotter, rhetorical Q, satire, ticks, torso
3 Comments
a hint of light 