Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Absurd and/or zany
Probing the proboscis
Somewhere out there, the dreaded sirens of “They” are “calling for” flurries. You can almost hear their sing-song “Flurries! Oh flurries! Where are you, flurries?” The skies are somber, the clouds cheeky and contemptuous, the panic of the people palpable, … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, edamame, funny, Peter Piper, satire, zany
Leave a comment
Before I bite your neck
We use clichés everyday, usually without any idea of where or how a certain phrase originated. We blissfully claim to have had “More fun than a barrel of monkeys.” We warn “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.” We … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, funny, nudist, rutabaga, satire, zany, Zarathustra.
Leave a comment
Press this
Please listen carefully as some of our prompts have recently changed. No they haven’t. They’re the same old prompts you always have. Au contraire, mon bozon. These are brand new prompts, fresh from the oven. Try me. These prompts are … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged funny, Nostradamus, prompts, satire, zany
Leave a comment
The diagnosis
Patient X (Not me): When I do the dishes, I tend to think out loud. Dr. Pepperoncini: Never talk to the dishes. Even if they start the conversation. Patient X: Did I say I talked to the dishes? Dr. Pepperoncini: … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged humor, knockwurst, peckerwood, Pepperoncini, satire, zany
2 Comments
Bear unzipped
Two guys are walking down a street in Iowa. To avoid lawsuits, we’ll call them the first guy and the second guy (not their real walking guy order). First guy says “Have you decided who you’re voting for?” “The Idiot,” … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bears, Crackpot, Dopes, funny, humor, satire, zany
Leave a comment
FAQ: What is going on?
Q. What is going on? A. Can you be more specific? Q. What is GOING ON? A. Ah. Good question. Now, do you mean what’s GOING ON here or there? Q. YES. A. Look, this is a licensed FAQ station … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, commie fascists, humor, orgy, satire, underwear, zany
2 Comments
What Nina said
Probably the best way to achieve immortality is to not die–as The Grammar Lady would never say. Rather she would say, in her superior tone, something about not splitting the infinitive or the atom on the porch or without at … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, poop, satire, The Grammar Lady, zany
Leave a comment
a hint of light 