Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Category Archives: Absurd and/or zany
That’s a pretty big IF
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, then you can keep your hat too. If you really love me, you’ll address me as your highness. If I was a baseball announcer and someone hit … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, The human comedy
Tagged absurd, baseball, funny, Gettysburg, humor, life, parody, satire, Shakespeare, walleye, zany
2 Comments
Haiku, yuku, wi all kuku
A poem dashed off in pajamas will not wait for a coat and tie. News breaks the promise that the beast of tomorrow won’t growl before dawn. Immortality begins with such simple words: ‘Once upon a time.’ The mind, not … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged Grant's tomb, Haiku, humor, immortality, satire, story, wisdom
7 Comments
Balenciaga’s pizza
I have a question. Two actually. I’m allowed two because, in self-actualizing my full potential as master of my organism’s motive, I am saying what the hell, I get to ask two questions and you don’t. My first question, quite … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, Balenciaga, farouk, fox trot, humor, self-actualization, wisdom
3 Comments
FAQ: Mental Health
Q. I have a friend who has been diagnosed with mental health. Is it contagious? A. You tell me. Recently, scientists put laboratory mice with mental health into a cage with mice who were crazy about bluegrass. After an hour, … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.A.Q., funny, knucklehead, mental health, parody, satire, zany
10 Comments
Frequently Asked Questions: The schneid
Editor’s note: In the previous post “Those who are on the schneid,” I grievously presumed the term “schneid” was commonly understood among those who commonly understand things. For those who commonly misunderstand the commonly understood I offer this F.A.Q. Memorize … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, humor, parody, satire, schneid, zany
6 Comments
Those who are on the schneid
It has been my experience that there are two kinds of people in this world: • Those who use their turn signal and those who don’t have to because their mother said so. • Those who believe in God and … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, buffalo, funny, humor, parody, satire, schneid, zany
17 Comments
The giant in the green hat
I’m standing on a corner, wondering why I’m not inside where the rain isn’t so bad. A half-drenched guy comes up to me and says “You heard about this Hadron Collider thing they got going over there in France?” If … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged dreams, funny, Hadron, satire, science, zany
2 Comments
a hint of light 