Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: satire
A Dick by any other name
The three-day sports controversy cycle: Day 1, 10:15 p.m. The crawl at the bottom of the screen during EPSN’s nightly Let’s Talk About LeBron James Until We Barf: Breaking News: Major League Umpire Dick Blumpidge, Jr., called for the suspension … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, asshat, ESPN, humor, Marco Polo, satire, zany
6 Comments
The really sick part
We sat on the sofa, K-Mac and I, watching a talking cookie on the Smart TV try to persuade us that cookies know how to talk and that they have kids and dogs and mortgages and pickup trucks and hopes … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, donut vape, funny, humor, igalixpoo, satire, zany
2 Comments
The Fly who buzzed me
Monday 9:17am. Started writing “How to Make a Million Before the Weekend.” Why haven’t I thought of this before? You get rich before the weekend so you have two straight days of buying toys and playing with them and eating … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny
Tagged absurd, doinked, humor, satire, shingles, zany
4 Comments
Brand X
If there’s one thing I learned at the home, I’d be surprised. Actually, I didn’t start learning stuff until my lawyer convinced a judge I wasn’t really crazy as a bed bug. My lawyer: Your honor, have you ever seen … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bed bugs, humor, Pink Catawba, satire, zany
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A common geezer mistake
Ladies and gentlemen, today we are launching an internal investigation into the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident. As you know, it has ruined the lives of several innocent and, frankly, very attractive sheep. It has also prompted some of our … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged absurd, boobulah, catapulting, funny, satire, sheep dip, zany
3 Comments
F.A.Q. Adventures in feasing
Q. What is malfeasance? A. Technically, it’s the act of feasing someone named Mal. Not to be confused with Melfeasance. Q. Why not? A. Mel doesn’t like to interact with anybody else’s fease. Q. Wouldn’t that fall under the category … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, F.E.A.S.E., funny, GIT-foo, humor, satire, zany
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Baseball pomes
Catcher in the rye Pitcher in the succotash Action in the pen Grounder to shortstop: “Here I come a-bounding, dude. Catch me if you can.” Shortstop shakes his head, Gloves it on the hop and thinks “Some balls talk too … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, baseball, nihil obstat, satire, zany
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a hint of light 