Patrick A. McGuire, Bloggonian
For years I told jokes on street corners for tips, dreaming of one day owning a granite counter top. No luck, so I entered a monastery. I now do stand-up at daily prayer services. The monks' vow of silence means they can't laugh. I can't even laugh, although sometimes I sob quietly in the can. This blog is a cry for help. Send money or granite. I accept Pay Pal.
Tag Archives: satire
The diagnosis
Patient X (Not me): When I do the dishes, I tend to think out loud. Dr. Pepperoncini: Never talk to the dishes. Even if they start the conversation. Patient X: Did I say I talked to the dishes? Dr. Pepperoncini: … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of), Uncategorized
Tagged humor, knockwurst, peckerwood, Pepperoncini, satire, zany
2 Comments
Bear unzipped
Two guys are walking down a street in Iowa. To avoid lawsuits, we’ll call them the first guy and the second guy (not their real walking guy order). First guy says “Have you decided who you’re voting for?” “The Idiot,” … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, bears, Crackpot, Dopes, funny, humor, satire, zany
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FAQ: What is going on?
Q. What is going on? A. Can you be more specific? Q. What is GOING ON? A. Ah. Good question. Now, do you mean what’s GOING ON here or there? Q. YES. A. Look, this is a licensed FAQ station … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, F.A.Q., Mockery and derision
Tagged absurd, commie fascists, humor, orgy, satire, underwear, zany
2 Comments
What Nina said
Probably the best way to achieve immortality is to not die–as The Grammar Lady would never say. Rather she would say, in her superior tone, something about not splitting the infinitive or the atom on the porch or without at … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, poop, satire, The Grammar Lady, zany
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Venom and snot
That’s it. No more mister funny guy. No more silly stuff. No more laughs, no more being witty and wry. Not even pumpernickel. From now on I write nothing but sourdough, sauerbraten, sweet and sour sauce, hold the sweet (but … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, funny, humor, Lapland, satire, snot, venom, zany
6 Comments
How to open an English muffin
Step 1. Get an English muffin. Now. Step 2. Stand near a window so you can see what you’re doing. Make sure you are decent. Step 3. Hold the muffin in one hand by its edges and gaze upon it … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, funny, News You Can Use (Sort of), The human comedy
Tagged absurd, humor, intestine, K-Mac, muffin, satire, sausage, zany
2 Comments
Loose screws
When I awoke this morning, I glanced at the sports page and discovered I am still mathematically alive. I went to have my blood drawn. The artist on duty suggested water colors because she likes the way they bleed. Out … Continue reading
Posted in Absurd and/or zany, Mockery and derision, News You Can Use (Sort of)
Tagged absurd, dead horse, funny, Nuggets, satire, snout, whoopie cakes, zany
6 Comments
a hint of light 